Zen Is Easy

Take a deep breath in. Let it out. Repeat. Zen.




I have finally figured out how to deal with all of the issues in the world today: Ignore them. That's right. Think of things that bother you the most and just ignore them.



I must give credit where credit is due because ignoring life's problems was not my idea initially. I was inspired by my dear mother, who came up with the idea of having a "throw in the towel day," when a person would just throw his or her hands up in the air and say, "Forget it all."



My wonderful mom deserves 10 days straight of work-free relaxation far away from the meddlesome stresses of life. Come to think of it, 10 days without stress would probably include 10 days without me. Sad.



So let's start nationally.



My stress concerning the trinity of fools, a.k.a. Obama, Pelosi and Reid, was steadily increasing. Every time I turned on the radio I would hear Obama micromanaging everything he could get his hands on. It was all too much for me.



For the sake of this article, I'm just going to combine the tyrannical triple-threat into one word.



So Obeloseid were having their umpteenth summit and I was just waiting for the next one. What would it be? The Pepsi vs. Coke summit? The dangers of running with scissors summit? The last season of "Lost" summit? Who knew.



Oh, by the way, for every new summit, the abomination-I mean administration-should have to be taught how bureaucracy affects us all. They should have to fill out forms and wait for approval every time they have to go potty. But back to the point.



So I took a deep breath. Zen. What's the worst that could happen? Taxes go up? My grandchildren have to pay a fortune to the government? Their children will all be communists? So what? I'll be dead by then.



My offspring certainly are not going to blame me. I mean, who looks back in history at the worst leaders and blames the people who voted them in?



"Darn that Jimmy Carter, he was such a bad president. Everyone who voted for him should get shot."



See? Pretty improbable. Moving on.



It's no secret I am not a huge fan of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.



Don't get me wrong; I'm a huge animal lover. But what I don't love is any group who tries to shove their ideologues down the throats of everyone else. And boy, the members of PETA try to shove their views down my throat so often that it's hard to eat my steak.



Now according to the pig protectors at PETA, consuming red meat is not only bad for you but also bad for the environment. I don't get their reasoning because apparently cows emit ozone-killing methane gas. I would assume eating red meat would actually improve the environment because you're getting rid of countless carbon farts with every cow slaughtered.



Let me reiterate: I love animals, but PETA people just go too far. A fitting review would be to have every member of PETA sit down in front of me while I ate my own pita-stuffed with dead lamb. Yummy. OK, back on track.



Yes, PETA and many others contribute to one of bigger annoyances: the global warming scandal. So what if the earth gets hot? I keep hearing how it's going to affect the later generations and not me. Well super. I will be dead and deteriorating at a rapid pace because of the extreme temperatures. Let my grandchildren deal with it.



They probably won't even notice the heat because they'll be too overwhelmed by taxes.



Every smug individual who owns a Prius and looks down his or her nose at me because i drive a truck should have to spend the next year finding ways to dispose of all the extra garbage when smug, snot-nosed little hippies throw away their old stuff and buy new, "greener" crap-like Priuses.



My most personal stress though is school. What of my grades? What of my pending degree? Well what good are those going to do me when I'm dead? Will I arrive at the pearly gates and be denied because my bachelor's degree wasn't completed?



I promise if I die and am denied entrance into heaven because I didn't finish school, then I shall return to DSC and be the personal guardian angel to every single student. I will watch over all of you and ensure your academic completion.



Yes. Zen feels good. I'm definitely going to die, just as you are. So stop stressing so much.



Now until I've completely mastered the art of not caring, I've got to get back to my massive amounts of end-of-semester projects, studying and homework. I can't fail those classes because I'm not sure I want to run the risk of being denied entrance into heaven for such a trivial matter as not having a bachelor's degree.