Heroes!

It's amazing who (and what) passes for a hero these days.

Have you ever looked back on your childhood and remembered the people who you used to look up to? Mom, Dad, Mrs. Holland the third grade teacher, and perhaps even Superman. Although these people all play different roles in a child's life, particularly Superman, they had one thing in common: merits.

If you were lucky, Mom and Dad were loving and nurturing. One brought in the money and kept the family fed, and the other kept a watchful eye to prevent you from starting yourself on fire. If you weren't so lucky to have such a family, count your blessings that somewhere along the way someone popped up in your life who helped steer you toward a life where going to college was an option for you.

Somewhere along the bumpy road of life there was most likely a teacher you took a shining to. This is the educator who, despite your many flaws, saw the best in a young little troublemaker. This teacher gave you a good grade but made you work for it and made you realize how important learning actually was.

And as for Superman, despite his one real defect of not actually existing, his motives were always virtuous. He kept a full-time job as a journalist, something in and of itself a grand accomplishment, and in his spare time saved the lives of screaming women, babies and the planet. He was physically fit and looked good in skin-tight outfits as well as glasses. Not to mention his ability to leap tall buildings in a single… well, you know the rest. Yes, these were the heroes of old. These were the men and women of valor whose actions and deeds were exemplary to the young people who observed them. These patriots of all shapes and sizes deserve the Congressional Medal of Skewed Reviewism. It's a gold plated, diamond encrusted piece of happiness, made of stardust and dipped in liquid moon beams. It's imprinted with the hoof print of a baby lamb and hung on a shining rainbow. According to Vogue, it is the ultimate fashion accessory and even goes well with Crocs. Now skip a few chapters on your e-reader to present day. I have nothing against Lady Gaga. In fact I find her to be incredibly entertaining, but when little girls are looking up to the likes of the Gaga-nator as a heroine, something is amiss. When a young musician no longer looks to the works of Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin or Bach and instead reveres so-called "musicians" like Eminem and Kanye West, it is an obvious sign of some unforeseen impending doom. I fear the future of music looks bleak. Should the review be to have Eminem and Kanye be forced to listen to each other's music for 10 out of 10 days? Or would a more fitting punishment be to have those 10 days be spent listening to their own music? Are future athletes going to continue to live up to the standards of legends such as Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird and Steve Young? Or is the future of sports to be played by carbon copies of Michael Vick, Alex Rodriguez and the ever-so-overexposed O.J. Simpson? For these influential athletes who seem to forget that every athletic child looks up to them, I have to award them two years locked up with a German body building woman whose steroid use has put her past the 400 pound mark. What happens when an aspiring actor stops looking to greats such as Orson Welles, Lena Horne, Audrey Hepburn, Gary Oldman and Meryl Streep and instead begins a journey to imitate the likes of Pauly Shore, Dave Chappelle, Seth Rogan, Will Ferrell and Sarah Silverman? What on earth will the Academy hand out awards for in the coming years? I can just see it now: Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg announcing the Oscar for the Best Motion Picture of the Year going to "Eurotrip 3: Frequent Flyer Miles." The makers of these movies that only seem to make us all dumb and dumber get the review of 19 out of 20 Oscars. The catch is they have to swim the English Channel naked in January with said Oscars strung like a necklace of pearls around their necks. Upon their arrival on the opposite shore, they must then be subjected to British dental care. What happened to our lovely world where bravery and accomplishments warranted the title of "hero?" Here's a goal for everyone, myself included: Be the kind of person the next generation will look to and want to imitate.