There are certain times of the year when certain things happen that get so repetitive I want to scream; specifically those clichés concerning the new year.
If you haven't already figured it out, one of my biggest pet peeves is the so called New Year's resolution. It's such a ridiculous concept, which countless numbers of people pretend to take part in but never actually do.
Let's take me for example. I believe since I was 16 years old I have always made the resolution that Jan. 1 will be the day I will start losing weight. But wait… is that leftover Christmas Almond Roca? And isn't that some extra crème brulee cheesecake from last night's New Year's Eve party? We can't let it go to waste!
That's usually about the time I change my New Year's resolution. My newer New Year's resolution then becomes: Stop being so wasteful. My mission is then accomplished as I polish off the cheesecake and munch on Almond Roca while watching "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills," which breaks my other obscure resolution concerning eliminating my laziness and ignoring frivolous reality TV.
It's sad news indeed for me, but it's even sadder because it seems all my friends have similar, if not identical, problems with their own resolutions.
It's almost as if there's an inner child within all of us who is just waiting for a chance to break the rules. So when we set standards for ourselves that bratty little delinquent within bursts out and gets to work on being counterproductive.
So I truly admire anyone who makes a New Year's resolution and actually sticks with it throughout the year. As soon as I meet someone who has done that I will give him or her the praise he or she deserves. But as of yet, I have met none.
The fact of the matter is we all have a daily routine, and it's nearly impossible to break those routines at the stroke of midnight on the first of January. I honestly believe that come February most, if not all, people have already forgotten they even made a New Year's resolution in the first place.
For every resolution I've ever broken I award myself four out of five bags of burning dog poo placed on my front porch. And for those of you who make similar resolutions and fail to follow through, I hereby give you the review of 10 out of 10 stars. And I mean Hollywood stars. Hollywood stars you will never resemble because you failed to keep that weight loss resolution.
So despite all my negativity about resolutions starting in 2011, I am going to pose a challenge to all of my faithful readers. It's a challenge that was inspired at a bowling alley.
As she strapped on her bowling shoes, a friend of mine told me she purchased a bottle of higher quality champagne and taped her list of New Year's resolutions to it. She said when 2012 rolls around she will look at the list, and if everything on it is accomplished she and her husband will celebrate by drinking that bottle of champagne. If not? The bottle will go unopened for another year. So even if the goals aren't achieved eventually she'll have an expensive bottle of vintage champagne, no?
I thought it was a fabulous idea. However, some people don't drink, so I've had to ponder a bit on how to take my friend's idea and mold it into something everyone can use.
So here is the challenge: Write down one resolution. Make sure it's something you can actually achieve. If you're in the mood to work on a five-year plan or you're looking to make a million dollars, then you need to go to a seminar hosted by Steve Jobs. I'm only here to help you achieve mediocrity.
If you need to drop a few pounds (like me) then make your resolution a five-pound weight loss goal. If you need to save more money, have your resolution be to put five extra dollars per paycheck into a savings account. If you are trying to manage your anger, make the resolution to take a five minute break when you start getting mad over something. Five is the magic number.
If the goal is simple and easy to achieve you will feel better knowing you can and will accomplish it.
Now take the paper with your one resolution and tape it to an item you want to use (preferably something non-perishable), and then put it in plain sight for you and everyone in the world to see. Well, unless your goal is something like "I will stop shoplifting five less thongs than I usually do," in which case just put that item in a place where only you will see it.
You are not allowed to touch said item until 2012. Don't even dust it.
For me, I am going to place my resolution on a copy of "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins, which is the very positively reviewed first book in a series of three. I've been dying to read it, but I am actually going to wait an entire year. And by 2012, if I've accomplished my goal, then my reward will be to finally read "The Hunger Games" trilogy.
However, you can put yours on any number of things. A new iPod, perhaps? The latest version of "World of Warcraft" maybe? Perhaps the final season of "Lost" on Blu-Ray with the director's commentary explaining what the heck was even going on in that show? The possibilities are limitless.
If I do this, it will be the first year I've ever followed through on a New Year's resolution, and I think if you try it, it just might be the motivation you need to complete your resolutions as well.
So you'll never guess what my resolution is. It is to lose weight. I'll just say five pounds, and hopefully once those five chubby pounds melt away I will be motivated to lose five more. Then five more after that. Then who knows? I might actually live to see the day when I don't have love handles.
Yes. Just like I said last year: "I'm actually going to do it this time."
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