I've reviewed many situations over the past couple of years, and I've just begun my stint reviewing movies this semester, but I haven't yet tackled the situation of people at the movies, so I'd like to address that now.
With the holiday season upon us, many folks are flocking to the theaters to see all the cool movies the film companies release around this time of the year. ‘Tis the season to stand in line for a three-hour midnight movie. Fa la la la la!
Here's the bothersome issue: You know the age-old clichés concerning movie-goer etiquette? You know, don't bring a baby, don't talk during the movie, get off your damn cell phone and all the others. Well, we're quick to condemn but consider ourselves the exception to the rule, right?
We should all bring ourselves down a peg because as important as we all think we are (and I'm including myself in this analysis), we're still no less annoying to those around us.
Hey, even if I were sitting next to the leader of my religion, Lady Gaga, and she was texting during a movie, I would be annoyed regardless of her goddess status.
Sure, you may think you're above whipping out your cell phone during the latest Harry Potter fiasco. But I wonder if there's anyone out there who hasn't felt his or her phone vibrating in the middle of a flick, and that person opens up the phone and thinks, "Oh, shoot! This is really important!" Hey, you don't have to admit it. We've all done it.
And here's a situation we can all relate to. This has been done by everyone I know, and I'm a constant witness to this little event at almost every movie I go to.
Picture this: You're in the darkened movie theater and suddenly you hear someone's phone ringing, despite the giant text on the screen not but 30 minutes prior asking everyone to turn off all cell phones.
The ringing then stops, but you hear in a whisper so loud it might as well have been screamed: "Hey, I'm in a movie. Yeah. Can I call you back?"
This is then followed by more whispering. Usually the conversation includes the name of the movie, how much longer the movie will be, how good the movie is so far, etc.
Here's a little tip for those of you who absolutely have to take that call: Ignore the phone call, remove yourself from the theater, and call your besty/lawyer/mom/parole officer once you are in the lobby.
It's one thing to pay for a movie and decide you don't want to watch it. But it's another when you make the decision to distract others after they paid for the same movie. The folks out there who have enough money to pay for a movie and then sit in the theater and talk on their phones get a review: the next 10 events they attend, be it movie, concert or church, are spent sandwiched between two mobile phone addicts who happen to be an accountant and a stock broker. Oh, and let's say it's the height of tax season and there just happened to be a stock market crash.
And this brings me to my next big no-no in the theater: texting.
I'm no fan of texting, and I never really got on board with using it as a communication tool in lieu of face-to-face conversation. This grating irritation is only compounded by a dark movie theater.
You may think texting in a movie is OK, but guess what? It can be even more distracting than answering your phone. I can be sitting high up in the stadium seats, enjoying the latest "Narnia" movie (although I doubt it), when suddenly an iPhone pops up in the crowd below me.
Now for some reason, the people at HTC and Apple and Samsung have decided to make the phones they sell super-duper bright. The touch screen makes it worse because the entire phone has to be illuminated. My eyes immediately fall to the device in the audience, and what do you know? I miss that cool CGI effect of Aslan's hair blowing in the wind.
If you are busy enough that you have to text during a movie, maybe movie-time shouldn't be in your schedule. Or perhaps you should treat a movie like a business appointment. Clear your schedule and tell all your texting-starved friends you will be unavailable between the hours of movie start and movie end time.
Those folks who text during movies shouldn't get a review. Just a punishment. I hereby call out all movie theaters to keep someone on guard and kick out people who ruin it for others by texting. No refunds.
Come on people! What will it take? Security checkpoints before entering a theater? Are we going to have to go so far as to surrender our cell phones and be submitted to full-body scans just to prevent phone usage in the movie?
Unfortunately this Skewed Review could go on and on. Laughing at things not related to the movie and play-by-play commentary from the ladies sitting next to me really gets under my skin. Leaving a drink and popcorn on the floor, which I ultimately kick over and step in on my way out, totally irritates me.
And the patrons of the films aren't the only problem. I can't handle theater employees who act like police when they take my ticket. They'll eye me like I'm up to no good, briskly tear my ticket and then say, "Third theater on the right" in a very Gestapo-esque voice.
I don't like that there aren't healthy snack options, and you'd think I'd started World War III when I try to bring in a bag of carrots. Theater employees who clean the theater afterward and give me the stink-eye because I'm waiting until the end of the credits also drive me mad.
Wow. I guess I need to give myself a review, huh? Perhaps I need to take a look back and realize I live in a society where not everything is going to go well for me. But I can also make the conscious decision to try and make other people's movie experience a good one, and I would hope those others would do me the same favor. That way I can go back to doing what I do very well: watching other people's hard work and then saying how bad it is.
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