He Could Trump Them All!

He's known for his vast building empire, his oh-so-mesmerizing quaff, and firing people on national TV.




Yes, Donald Trump has been last-naming his competition for years, and he's known for making the right business moves at exactly the right time. This includes filing bankrupt in order to reset any psychotic contracts that may have been driving those businesses into the ground.



His grasp is endless—he even has his own line of neck ties. The guy really does have it all. Except for one thing: the presidency.



We're at that stage of "will he, won't he," and it's starting to look as if he might not take the commander in chief route this year. I find that quite depressing.



Fine, I'll admit even though I've been known to bash the reality TV market, I was once a "Celebrity Apprentice" addict. I would tune in every week to root for Joan Rivers and laugh at the so-called business ventures each of the celebrities attempted to undertake.



But when all is said and done and his multiple wives have been swept out of the picture, The Donald is a shrewd businessman, and I think America could benefit from someone who takes absolutely no guff from anyone. Not even Sharon Osbourne.



That's why I would vote for Trump.



It's unfortunate that his reality series has put him in the position he's currently in. Right now he couldn't possibly hope to garner enough votes to even win the Republican candidacy, let alone the presidential race. His running would be akin to California gubernatorial elections that featured Gary Coleman, Mary Carey, Larry Flynt and Arnold Schwarzenegger.



Only in California could The Governator be successful in his campaign. The rest of America isn't like California, though (celebrity elections aside, that's a good thing).



Trump should get all the past California nominees for governor to appear in his next season of "Celebrity Apprentice." I might just watch. Exempting Gary Coleman, of course.



I would rate that show four out of five mystery comb-overs that would turn into an instant security pit bull out for blood every time the phrase "you're fired" is uttered.



But it's that darn reality show that would keep citizens from ever taking him seriously.



People are looking at the gimmick used to boost ratings—not at the prowess of a man who could possibly start to mend the financial issues our country is suffering right now.



Plus, wouldn't it be awesome if he decided to make the White House 70 stories higher and plate it with gold?



This man knows business. He's not some bleeding heart who would be more willing to take money from those who earned it and give it to people who don't have much and are not worthy of getting free stuff.



I'll never turn my nose up at certain social programs. Medicaid saved my life once, and darned if I haven't taken advantage of the food stamp program during my starving student years (although now the state of Utah has now prohibited full-time college students from food stamp eligibility, and I'm not exactly sure why).



I just wonder if Trump could push our nation in the right direction so eventually we can regain the funds we need to continue social programs such as Medicaid and food stamps.



But at the rate we're going now, we might as well all start mimicking that friend we all have who never seems to have a job and whose food/gas/shelter you always seem to be paying for.



Because we're going to dry up pretty quickly.



I wouldn't even care if he was a one-term president. I honestly believe he could make fiscal progress in four years. Then we can hand the country back over to someone responsible enough to keep the progress going.



Trump's campaign slogan could be, "Cash You Can Believe In," which is a nice step up from the now hackneyed "Change You Can Believe In."



He may even decide to urge certain automobile companies to file for bankruptcy in order to reset the union contracts that are bleeding their companies dry.



And in addition to that perk, we would get to see him all the time, pouting while he talks. We would be a don't-blink nation in watch of some hairdo malfunction that would reveal the skin hidden beneath.



That's right. Move over, Janet Jackson.



There's even a plus side for those of you who hate "Celebrity Apprentice": a President would never have time to do a reality show, and even if he did, the public would hardly support it (unless it's B to the Rock Obama). So guess what would ultimately go off the air? That's right. We wouldn't hear "you're fired" again.



If you saw the White House Correspondence Dinner last week, you would have noticed the ribbing Trump took from both Obama and "Saturday Night Live's" Seth Meyers. We as a nation could be doing that on a daily basis!



Oh, The Skewed Reviews I could write! He has so many quirks that he's almost just a walking bullseye. But in the end, it would have been his savvy business sense that would be important.



So, Donny my boy, maybe the next time around you really will launch an exploratory committee. But do the nation a solid: Don't pull a "where's your birth certificate" again because it only made you look like a loon.