My last two Skewed Reviews have been politically based, and although I can’t seem to take anything seriously, I think I managed to come across as serious the last couple times. THEREFORE, I hereby announce that this review will be pure FLUFF.
I was sitting at a stoplight the other morning, waiting for it to turn green. As I sat pondering what my next Somewhat Skewed Review would be about, the car behind me honked loudly. I looked up to see if the light had turned, and realized that I was at a stop light, but rather a stop sign. This brings me to the introduction of “Do-deedo Points.”
I can hardly give myself four out of five wedgies and a slap or two, but I can add up the “Points” and eventually win a prize. I think that of everyone I award “Do-Deedo Points” to this year will be in the race for a trip to Lagoon after a breakfast of seven bran muffins and a quart of prune juice. Oh, and no Immodium A.D. allowed.
So sitting at a stop sign waiting for it turn green gets eight points.
I’m going to be keeping my eye out for fellow students who deserve these points. You’d better start memorizing my face from my picture, because I’m going to be on the lookout. I am dedicating my column to a humorous spin on things we often take seriously, but every few weeks, I’m going to take on the humorous things that simply need to be spotlighted. Of course, I’ll always start with myself.
Onto another story concerning yours truly that happened just the other morning. I like to get up before the sun rises, and run a few miles around Pine Valley with my black lab, Scout. On this particular morning, I made my way up to the park reservoir, and as I went to cross the dam, I noticed there was an animal sitting about 30 feet from me.
I don’t like to freely admit that I’m a pussy, but I will elude to that fact. One of the reasons Scout accompanies me on my morning runs, is not for her exercise, but for my protection. Those mountain fawns can be vicious. Scout can always be trusted to alert me with a loud bark whenever some hoodlum Bambi gets in my vicinity.
But that morning, she didn’t bark. She didn’t even CARE that there was an animal sitting between us and the road back home! I let her off her leash, and said, “GO GET ‘EM!” She looked up at me, looked around, and trotted down to the water. If I had a gun handy, the safety would be off.
I turned off my iPod and slowly reached into my sweater pocket for the flashlight I carry for just such an occasion. With an uncanny stealth that would put a dump truck to shame, I fumbled and dropped the flashlight, scurried to pick it up, and managed to get it lit after a few failed attempts.
Since I nearly wet myself, I was a little disappointed to see that this whole commotion was over a trash can. Since I had let Scout off her leash, she had wandered off to some unknown place in the woods, and now I REALLY was alone. Can you picture me standing there in the dark, loudly whispering, “Scout? SCOUT?”
If you hadn’t already guessed, I made it out of the woods alive that day. But there were 22 “Do-Deedo Points” to be had that day, which brings my grand total to 30 points.
Don’t worry, I can already guarantee that there will be those of you who catch up to me. I’m waiting with baited breath for you guys who accidentally go into the ladies’ restroom and people who cross to the NIB while the “DON’T WALK” sign is on! Good luck, everyone!
Monday, August 31, 2009
A Local Review
This will be in Wednesday's edition of the Dixie Sun. It's a review of a local pizza joint that just opened up. Bland, I know, but my opinion column will be far more entertaining.
Monday I decided it was time to stop driving by Brick Oven at 1410 E Saint George Blvd, and actually step inside for a look and a taste.
The first thing I noticed was an abundance of children running past me as I entered the doors. I was skeptical and didn't think this would be the place for me. Not that I don’t love children, but there’s something about herds of kids gallivanting around while I’m trying to eat that just makes my appetite decrease.
As soon as I entered the foyer, however, the smell of the cooking pizzas and the extraordinary service dumped the screaming children from my mind. I was greeted with enthusiasm and shown to a table almost immediately. I did tell them I was going to write a review for the Dixie Sun, so I made sure to keep an eye on the way they treated other customers too, just to make sure they weren’t giving me special treatment.
From observing the tables around me and the service they were getting, it seemed that while they treated me like I was someone super-special, I wasn’t any more super-special than any of the other patrons. We were all V.I.P. diners.
What good is service if the food isn’t that grand? My waitress, Erin, told me that on Monday nights you get free Brick Oven root beer with your meal, so I decided to take advantage of that. The root beer was very sweet. You may like that sort of thing, but for me, it kind of felt like I was drinking sugar water with crushed up root beer barrels in it.
The pizza I ordered, though, was fabulous. I tried the chicken-artichoke with alfredo sauce instead of marinara. There are plenty of pizza joints around St. George, but I was drawn to Brick Oven’s mix and match your own pizza menu, even trading out the regular red sauce for something more exotic.
For this gourmet pizza dinner, home-made root beer, and outstanding service, the check added up to only $10.
The menu is very reasonably priced, ranging for from $8 for individual meals, on up to the largest $20 pizza. The entire menu and prices can be viewed at http://www.brickovenrestaurant.com/menus.html.
Gather a group of friends at Brick Oven and order a huge pizza. I can already guarantee their pies are far superior to Little Caesars‘, and the ambiance and cleanliness of the whole restaurant is just groovy.
There was also an extensive dessert menu, and while everything looked tempting, I had stuffed myself with chicken artichoke pizza, so I honestly couldn’t get anything down over the size of a cookie, so it was a cookie I ordered. Imagine my amazement when I was served a cookie about the size of a pancake. It ended up being my midnight snack later on that night.
I definitely endorse this restaurant as the place to gather before the football games, or after a weekend movie. The entire staff is friendly, the service is quick and the pizzas are great. Monday night is the night to be there, because it’s free root beer for everyone after 5 p.m.
Monday I decided it was time to stop driving by Brick Oven at 1410 E Saint George Blvd, and actually step inside for a look and a taste.
The first thing I noticed was an abundance of children running past me as I entered the doors. I was skeptical and didn't think this would be the place for me. Not that I don’t love children, but there’s something about herds of kids gallivanting around while I’m trying to eat that just makes my appetite decrease.
As soon as I entered the foyer, however, the smell of the cooking pizzas and the extraordinary service dumped the screaming children from my mind. I was greeted with enthusiasm and shown to a table almost immediately. I did tell them I was going to write a review for the Dixie Sun, so I made sure to keep an eye on the way they treated other customers too, just to make sure they weren’t giving me special treatment.
From observing the tables around me and the service they were getting, it seemed that while they treated me like I was someone super-special, I wasn’t any more super-special than any of the other patrons. We were all V.I.P. diners.
What good is service if the food isn’t that grand? My waitress, Erin, told me that on Monday nights you get free Brick Oven root beer with your meal, so I decided to take advantage of that. The root beer was very sweet. You may like that sort of thing, but for me, it kind of felt like I was drinking sugar water with crushed up root beer barrels in it.
The pizza I ordered, though, was fabulous. I tried the chicken-artichoke with alfredo sauce instead of marinara. There are plenty of pizza joints around St. George, but I was drawn to Brick Oven’s mix and match your own pizza menu, even trading out the regular red sauce for something more exotic.
For this gourmet pizza dinner, home-made root beer, and outstanding service, the check added up to only $10.
The menu is very reasonably priced, ranging for from $8 for individual meals, on up to the largest $20 pizza. The entire menu and prices can be viewed at http://www.brickovenrestaurant.com/menus.html.
Gather a group of friends at Brick Oven and order a huge pizza. I can already guarantee their pies are far superior to Little Caesars‘, and the ambiance and cleanliness of the whole restaurant is just groovy.
There was also an extensive dessert menu, and while everything looked tempting, I had stuffed myself with chicken artichoke pizza, so I honestly couldn’t get anything down over the size of a cookie, so it was a cookie I ordered. Imagine my amazement when I was served a cookie about the size of a pancake. It ended up being my midnight snack later on that night.
I definitely endorse this restaurant as the place to gather before the football games, or after a weekend movie. The entire staff is friendly, the service is quick and the pizzas are great. Monday night is the night to be there, because it’s free root beer for everyone after 5 p.m.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Before the Butchering...
The DSC Sun article comes out today with my butchered piece on struggling college students. In light of what is to be released, I decided I wanted to give the reading public a chance to see what they are missing out on. So below, I've posted my article in its original form, and I urge you to compare it to the article in the following post. Please make note of the many, MANY changes.
Also note that the tips in the second article are far less simplistic than the tips I came up with on my own. Since I had to use a source, I couldn't just track down one-line financial tips that could be easily remembered. The only suggestion that I found that I actually liked, was the 12 cent Ramen Noodle reference in the second article. I prefer the rest of my original tips in article one to the lengthy, and sometimes vague suggestions in article two.
Please let me know what you think.!
Money is a priority on everyone’s list, whether it be to save or to spend. A college student’s financial goal should be to use any and all resources available to save their money, but there are a fraction of them who can’t seem to get their spending under control.
According to StateUniversity.com, the average college student spends about $13,000 per year, but makes only about $757 per month. This article is at http://www.stateuniversity.com/blog/permalink/The-Spending-Habits-of-College-Students.html.
The debt incurred while attending school can add up very quickly. Today’s student should spend with discretion, and budget wisely. Unfortunately, the number of college-goers who squander their earnings on luxuries is steadily rising. Where there was once a frugal freshman who ditched a daily commute in his car for a bus ride, and gagged down a diet of Ramen in lieu of fast food, there is now an A-list socialite driving a new Prius, talking on their I-phone, and having steak with friends 3 times a week.
This kind of lifestyle is a recipe for disaster in the years to come, especially if student loans are involved. Sometimes pride must be swallowed and a budget must be implemented. It can be easier that some people think.
Nursing student Jamie Avery from Kaysville finds that having fun doesn’t have to break the bank. “I love hiking and fishing,” she says, “you pay $2.50 for a cup of worms, and have a fun a day at the lake with your friends. You get to eat what you catch, so you don’t have to pay for dinner!”
Avery had another tip on frugality: “There are lots of deals on things, you just have to be willing to find them. I bought a great microwave at D.I.,” she added with a smile, “but don’t tell anyone!”
Communications major Hayli Hunt from New Harmony’s advice is to sell down. “I had two cars, and realized I didn’t need them, so I sold them both.” She is a champion of carpooling and walking, and says that it’s not a big deal with a campus of Dixie State College’s size.
DSC Financial Aid Director J.D. Robertson has some very good advice for students who are using grants and loans to pay for their education. He says that a “student’s focus should be on getting through school with as little debt as possible, and that takes sacrifice.”
One of the best things a student can do, according to Robertson, is to make a monthly budget. A student should write down their total income each month, and then prioritize their monthly needs. Set aside the money needed for tuition, books, housing and food first. He adds that small things like not upgrading your cell phone every six months and packing your own lunch each day can easily save you lots of money.
Robertson also notes that a student should never spend their loan or grant money on luxuries. “Financial aid is not made to fund a lifestyle,” he says, “it’s to fund your college education. It’s there to cover your tuition and fees, to cover your books, to help you with modest housing, and a little bit of transportation.” He says a lot of students get themselves in trouble by spending their loans on things like car payments, clothes, fast food, insurance, and other items that aren’t related to their education.
Here are a few small tips to cut your spending and escalate your savings:
-Shop Wal-Mart instead of the Mall
-Use Internet connections at school instead of on your cell phone
-Save the environment: Carpool or walk
-Skip McDonalds, and make your own meals
-Ditch the trip to Mesquite or Vegas and hike the beautiful red rocks
-Get a $1 movie at RedBox instead of a $7.50 flick at the theater
-Buy used books, and don’t forget to sell them back!
Also note that the tips in the second article are far less simplistic than the tips I came up with on my own. Since I had to use a source, I couldn't just track down one-line financial tips that could be easily remembered. The only suggestion that I found that I actually liked, was the 12 cent Ramen Noodle reference in the second article. I prefer the rest of my original tips in article one to the lengthy, and sometimes vague suggestions in article two.
Please let me know what you think.!
Money is a priority on everyone’s list, whether it be to save or to spend. A college student’s financial goal should be to use any and all resources available to save their money, but there are a fraction of them who can’t seem to get their spending under control.
According to StateUniversity.com, the average college student spends about $13,000 per year, but makes only about $757 per month. This article is at http://www.stateuniversity.com/blog/permalink/The-Spending-Habits-of-College-Students.html.
The debt incurred while attending school can add up very quickly. Today’s student should spend with discretion, and budget wisely. Unfortunately, the number of college-goers who squander their earnings on luxuries is steadily rising. Where there was once a frugal freshman who ditched a daily commute in his car for a bus ride, and gagged down a diet of Ramen in lieu of fast food, there is now an A-list socialite driving a new Prius, talking on their I-phone, and having steak with friends 3 times a week.
This kind of lifestyle is a recipe for disaster in the years to come, especially if student loans are involved. Sometimes pride must be swallowed and a budget must be implemented. It can be easier that some people think.
Nursing student Jamie Avery from Kaysville finds that having fun doesn’t have to break the bank. “I love hiking and fishing,” she says, “you pay $2.50 for a cup of worms, and have a fun a day at the lake with your friends. You get to eat what you catch, so you don’t have to pay for dinner!”
Avery had another tip on frugality: “There are lots of deals on things, you just have to be willing to find them. I bought a great microwave at D.I.,” she added with a smile, “but don’t tell anyone!”
Communications major Hayli Hunt from New Harmony’s advice is to sell down. “I had two cars, and realized I didn’t need them, so I sold them both.” She is a champion of carpooling and walking, and says that it’s not a big deal with a campus of Dixie State College’s size.
DSC Financial Aid Director J.D. Robertson has some very good advice for students who are using grants and loans to pay for their education. He says that a “student’s focus should be on getting through school with as little debt as possible, and that takes sacrifice.”
One of the best things a student can do, according to Robertson, is to make a monthly budget. A student should write down their total income each month, and then prioritize their monthly needs. Set aside the money needed for tuition, books, housing and food first. He adds that small things like not upgrading your cell phone every six months and packing your own lunch each day can easily save you lots of money.
Robertson also notes that a student should never spend their loan or grant money on luxuries. “Financial aid is not made to fund a lifestyle,” he says, “it’s to fund your college education. It’s there to cover your tuition and fees, to cover your books, to help you with modest housing, and a little bit of transportation.” He says a lot of students get themselves in trouble by spending their loans on things like car payments, clothes, fast food, insurance, and other items that aren’t related to their education.
Here are a few small tips to cut your spending and escalate your savings:
-Shop Wal-Mart instead of the Mall
-Use Internet connections at school instead of on your cell phone
-Save the environment: Carpool or walk
-Skip McDonalds, and make your own meals
-Ditch the trip to Mesquite or Vegas and hike the beautiful red rocks
-Get a $1 movie at RedBox instead of a $7.50 flick at the theater
-Buy used books, and don’t forget to sell them back!
Monday, August 24, 2009
The New DSC Article...
I'm not particularly proud of this article, because it was chopped and changed by the editor so it would be "Associated Press style." I've come to realize that "AP Style" is incredibly boring to read. No wonder the newspaper industry is tanking.
I prefer my opinion columns far more than this droll little AP style reporting. But you be the judge. This will be in the first issue of the DSC Sun. Comments will be appreciated. Please know that my original draft was much more fun to read, and it told a story. The following is the edited version, and I find it horribly bland.
"Fiscal Survival as a College Student"
According to http://www.stateuniversity.com/blog/permalink/The-Spending-Habits-of-College-Students.html., the average college student spends about $13,000 per year, but makes only about $757 per month.
On the same site, it indicates that the debt incurred while attending school can add up very quickly. Today’s student should spend with discretion and budget wisely. Unfortunately, the number of college-goers who squander their earnings on luxuries is steadily rising.
This kind of lifestyle is a recipe for disaster said Financial Aid Director J.D. Robinson, especially if student loans are involved. Sometimes pride must be swallowed and a budget must be implemented. It can be easier that some people think.
Robertson had some advice for students who are using grants and loans to pay for their education.
One of the best things a student can do is to make a monthly budget, Robertson said. A student should write down their total income each month, and then prioritize their monthly needs. Set aside the money needed for tuition, books, housing and food first. He said that little things like not upgrading a cell phone every six months and packing a lunch each day can easily save lots of money.
A student should never spend their loan or grant money on luxuries, said Robertson.
“Financial aid is not made to fund a lifestyle, but to fund your college education," he said. "It’s there to cover your tuition and fees, to cover your books, to help you with modest housing, and a little bit of transportation.”
A lot of students get themselves in trouble by spending their loans on things like car payments, clothes, fast food, insurance, and other items that aren’t related to their education, said Robertson.
Jamie Avery, a senior nursing major from Kaysville, finds that having fun doesn’t have to break the bank.
“I love hiking and fishing,” she said. “You pay $2.50 for a cup of worms, and have a fun day at the lake with your friends. You get to eat what you catch, so you don’t have to pay for dinner.”
Avery had some suggestions on bargains, as well. "There are lots of deals on things, you just have to be willing to find them," she said. "I bought a great microwave at the DI, but don’t tell anyone."
Selling down is a good way to get money, says Hayli Hunt, a senior communication major from New Harmony. “I had two cars and realized I didn’t need them, so I sold them both."
She said she is a champion of carpooling and walking, and that it’s not a big deal going to school on a small campus.
Saving money while going to college isn't hard to do. Here are some tips from http://www.collegescholarships.org/student-living/save-money.htm:
I prefer my opinion columns far more than this droll little AP style reporting. But you be the judge. This will be in the first issue of the DSC Sun. Comments will be appreciated. Please know that my original draft was much more fun to read, and it told a story. The following is the edited version, and I find it horribly bland.
"Fiscal Survival as a College Student"
Money is a priority on everyone’s list, whether it is to save or to spend.
According to http://www.stateuniversity.com/blog/permalink/The-Spending-Habits-of-College-Students.html., the average college student spends about $13,000 per year, but makes only about $757 per month.
On the same site, it indicates that the debt incurred while attending school can add up very quickly. Today’s student should spend with discretion and budget wisely. Unfortunately, the number of college-goers who squander their earnings on luxuries is steadily rising.
This kind of lifestyle is a recipe for disaster said Financial Aid Director J.D. Robinson, especially if student loans are involved. Sometimes pride must be swallowed and a budget must be implemented. It can be easier that some people think.
Robertson had some advice for students who are using grants and loans to pay for their education.
“A student’s focus should be on getting through school with as little debt as possible, and that takes sacrifice,” Robertson said.
One of the best things a student can do is to make a monthly budget, Robertson said. A student should write down their total income each month, and then prioritize their monthly needs. Set aside the money needed for tuition, books, housing and food first. He said that little things like not upgrading a cell phone every six months and packing a lunch each day can easily save lots of money.
A student should never spend their loan or grant money on luxuries, said Robertson.
“Financial aid is not made to fund a lifestyle, but to fund your college education," he said. "It’s there to cover your tuition and fees, to cover your books, to help you with modest housing, and a little bit of transportation.”
A lot of students get themselves in trouble by spending their loans on things like car payments, clothes, fast food, insurance, and other items that aren’t related to their education, said Robertson.
Jamie Avery, a senior nursing major from Kaysville, finds that having fun doesn’t have to break the bank.
“I love hiking and fishing,” she said. “You pay $2.50 for a cup of worms, and have a fun day at the lake with your friends. You get to eat what you catch, so you don’t have to pay for dinner.”
Avery had some suggestions on bargains, as well. "There are lots of deals on things, you just have to be willing to find them," she said. "I bought a great microwave at the DI, but don’t tell anyone."
Selling down is a good way to get money, says Hayli Hunt, a senior communication major from New Harmony. “I had two cars and realized I didn’t need them, so I sold them both."
She said she is a champion of carpooling and walking, and that it’s not a big deal going to school on a small campus.
Saving money while going to college isn't hard to do. Here are some tips from http://www.collegescholarships.org/student-living/save-money.htm:
-Save your spare change and count it and roll it yourself. Coin counting machines usually rip you off.
-Sell your used textbooks online and make extra cash.
-Trying to eat on 12 cents? Two words: Ramen Noodles-Try www.download.com for free music, videos, games and utilities
-Forget about T.V. Watch shows through the Internet. Shows can usually be viewed through hulu.com.
-Check the newspapers for upcoming free events: concerts, fairs, theater, festivals, art galleries, etc. HOW ABOUT THE DIXIE SUN SPECIFICALLY?
-Ask for practical items for Christmas/birthdays. Getting things you need saves you from spending the cash.
-Don't shop hungry.
-Feeling the urge to splurge? Instead go for a run, a bike ride or a brisk walk. You'll get some exercise-induced serotonin and the feeling will cost you nothing.
-Donate plasma (try BioLife at 816 N. 2860 E. Street in St. George).
-Get a job in the food service industry. Chances are high that you can eat for free.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Move Over Branjelina... IT'S OBAMA!
I am a conservative liberal. (Or am I a liberal conservative?) Either way, I’m an Independent. I have no ties to either the Republicans nor the Democrats. I just happened to have voted for Barack Obama, and after half a year of B-Rock’s ambitious experiments, I’ve decided that I WANT MY VOTE BACK.
It wasn’t long after he kicked L’il Bush out of the Oval Office that I noticed he spent a lot of time on T.V. I’ve often wondered if Mr. O should have been a sitcom star rather than a President. He obviously loves the camera, and indeed, the camera loves him. I can almost hear the journalists blowing him little kisses and passing him notes reading: “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” One has to ask; How does a President get things done when he’s spending all of his time reading teleprompters to a swarm of swooning reporters? For his lack of tact in these tough times, our Commander in Chief gets 4 out of 5 toes run over by my big wheel.
Now it’s true that this He-Man from Hawaii ran a very successful campaign on “change,” and it’s more than obvious that he’s going the distance to make sure that “change” will definitely happen. While I find it a bit over-zealous, It never hurts to have someone who can juggle 19 or 20 projects at once. For his ability, or rather, his attempt to succeed in a plethora of projects, our Chief gets a Hail and a $20 gift certificate to the Zion Factory stores. Have fun spending it, Pres! (He’s already proved that spending is something he does very well.)
As for the aforementioned campaign, I was under the assumption that once a President is elected into office, his campaign is over. I can hardly believe what a dunderhead I am, because I was severely mistaken. Is it just me, or did Obama’s campaign kick into over drive after he got the keys to White House front door? Suddenly it seems like old prezzy-poo has got to sell us on all these plans to overhaul the nation, and it’s apparent he’s given himself a 1 year deadline.
Now, if my memory serves me correctly, (which it does almost half of the time) I believe Barack wants to close Guantanamo Bay, fix the mortgage crisis, end the recession, bail-out the nation’s banks and the car companies, convince the world we’re not evil, give the folks some cash for their clunkers, stimulate the economy, bow to the King of Saudi-Arabia but not Queen of England, throw out opening pitches at baseball games, shoot some hoops with his Secret Service homies, help Sasha and Malia with their science projects, and train the family dog, Bo. And that’s just a week’s schedule.
Of his national to-do list, the issue that seems to stay on the surface is Healthcare Reform. I’ve dubbed this the “Political oil spill atop the ocean of eternal policy.” It’s going to take a heck of a lot of Dawn to clean up after this one! Yes, I along with a large portion of Americans agree that something has to be done about Healthcare, but I also think that rushing through some pork-filled bill isn’t the answer. Watching President Clinton devour a roast pig is enough pork-filled Bill for me. (GET IT?) For unnecessary and unwanted expediency in trying to pass this Healthcare bill, the Administration gets 9 out of 10 Big Gulps, and an 8 hour ride from St. George to Los Angeles with no bathroom breaks.
I do believe that Obama believes that everything he’s doing is great for the nation. I also believe that he’s a bit naïve, and maybe we’ve all elected someone who really doesn’t have the experience to run a country. Please let me remind you once more, that I too was taken in by that giant smile and Despereaux ears, so don’t peg me as an Obama-hater.
If you want to hear Mr. Prezzypants’s side of the story, check out www.whitehouse.gov/realitycheck. This website gives you the skinny on all the Healthcare issues. Oh, and if you get any “fishy” emails about Healthcare, you should send it to flag@whitehouse.gov. By the way, for wanting regular citizens to report on things they hear or read, (and consequently get their email forever stored in a White House database) the Democrats in the House have to wear turtlenecks and spend a day in the desert taking care of St. George‘s endangered tortoises.
Obama and his entourage’s ambition: non-slapable. The oh-so-scary outcome of all their projects: EXTREMELY SLAPABLE!
It wasn’t long after he kicked L’il Bush out of the Oval Office that I noticed he spent a lot of time on T.V. I’ve often wondered if Mr. O should have been a sitcom star rather than a President. He obviously loves the camera, and indeed, the camera loves him. I can almost hear the journalists blowing him little kisses and passing him notes reading: “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” One has to ask; How does a President get things done when he’s spending all of his time reading teleprompters to a swarm of swooning reporters? For his lack of tact in these tough times, our Commander in Chief gets 4 out of 5 toes run over by my big wheel.
Now it’s true that this He-Man from Hawaii ran a very successful campaign on “change,” and it’s more than obvious that he’s going the distance to make sure that “change” will definitely happen. While I find it a bit over-zealous, It never hurts to have someone who can juggle 19 or 20 projects at once. For his ability, or rather, his attempt to succeed in a plethora of projects, our Chief gets a Hail and a $20 gift certificate to the Zion Factory stores. Have fun spending it, Pres! (He’s already proved that spending is something he does very well.)
As for the aforementioned campaign, I was under the assumption that once a President is elected into office, his campaign is over. I can hardly believe what a dunderhead I am, because I was severely mistaken. Is it just me, or did Obama’s campaign kick into over drive after he got the keys to White House front door? Suddenly it seems like old prezzy-poo has got to sell us on all these plans to overhaul the nation, and it’s apparent he’s given himself a 1 year deadline.
Now, if my memory serves me correctly, (which it does almost half of the time) I believe Barack wants to close Guantanamo Bay, fix the mortgage crisis, end the recession, bail-out the nation’s banks and the car companies, convince the world we’re not evil, give the folks some cash for their clunkers, stimulate the economy, bow to the King of Saudi-Arabia but not Queen of England, throw out opening pitches at baseball games, shoot some hoops with his Secret Service homies, help Sasha and Malia with their science projects, and train the family dog, Bo. And that’s just a week’s schedule.
Of his national to-do list, the issue that seems to stay on the surface is Healthcare Reform. I’ve dubbed this the “Political oil spill atop the ocean of eternal policy.” It’s going to take a heck of a lot of Dawn to clean up after this one! Yes, I along with a large portion of Americans agree that something has to be done about Healthcare, but I also think that rushing through some pork-filled bill isn’t the answer. Watching President Clinton devour a roast pig is enough pork-filled Bill for me. (GET IT?) For unnecessary and unwanted expediency in trying to pass this Healthcare bill, the Administration gets 9 out of 10 Big Gulps, and an 8 hour ride from St. George to Los Angeles with no bathroom breaks.
I do believe that Obama believes that everything he’s doing is great for the nation. I also believe that he’s a bit naïve, and maybe we’ve all elected someone who really doesn’t have the experience to run a country. Please let me remind you once more, that I too was taken in by that giant smile and Despereaux ears, so don’t peg me as an Obama-hater.
If you want to hear Mr. Prezzypants’s side of the story, check out www.whitehouse.gov/realitycheck. This website gives you the skinny on all the Healthcare issues. Oh, and if you get any “fishy” emails about Healthcare, you should send it to flag@whitehouse.gov. By the way, for wanting regular citizens to report on things they hear or read, (and consequently get their email forever stored in a White House database) the Democrats in the House have to wear turtlenecks and spend a day in the desert taking care of St. George‘s endangered tortoises.
Obama and his entourage’s ambition: non-slapable. The oh-so-scary outcome of all their projects: EXTREMELY SLAPABLE!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The President Is Buying Me A New Car!
You’ve got to give it to the new Administration, because they seem to be taking on everything at once! They give a new meaning to the word “multi-tasking.” I find myself completely lost when I try to check my mph while driving. (Consider that a small warning if you see me on the road.)
From stimulus packages, to healthcare reform, Obama and his posse are a group of busy peeps. So I have to give them a slick low-five and eight out of ten fist bumps for their efforts to make “change.” However, I think I have to give them all two slaps and a noogie for maybe taking on too much at one time. We shall see how it all plays out.
From stimulus packages, to healthcare reform, Obama and his posse are a group of busy peeps. So I have to give them a slick low-five and eight out of ten fist bumps for their efforts to make “change.” However, I think I have to give them all two slaps and a noogie for maybe taking on too much at one time. We shall see how it all plays out.
The topic I’d like to cover on all of this “change” is the Cash for Clunkers program. Last week the government agreed to put another 2 Billion dollars into this clever endeavor. (You like that rhyme? Go ahead and use it… it’ll make you popular, like me.)
Who doesn’t want a new car? I know I do! The plan is to give you $4,500 towards a new car that gets better gas mileage than your current ride. I’m just summing it up, because in reality there are lots of stipulations and rules that I can’t get into right now. (Mainly because it takes a smart person to figure all of that out… and I’m not smart enough to understand all the guidelines to qualify for your 4500 bucks.) You can read all the details at http://www.cashforclunkersfacts.com/. If you can make sense of it all, you get a coupon for a free car wash and I’ll carry your books for a day.
There are, like any good government program, (is than an oxymoron?) some flaws. First of all, they aren’t selling the used cars, some of which are pretty new, to people who could use them! No, no, that would be too horrible for the environment. No, instead they’re crushing the cars up, and sending them to China. My personal theory on that is because there are so many cars in China right now, that in order for them all to fit on the road, they need to be crushed. It’s just a theory.
I also heard a very valid point on a talk radio show the other day. (Yes, listening to talk radio is another secret of my massive popularity.) The cars that have been turned in could be donated to non-profit organizations who need transportation, but can’t afford a dope ride at the moment. So for not looking at better alternatives to scrapping the clunkers, I’m going to have to toilet paper the White House right before a rainstorm.
Con number two is that one of the main goals of this little exercise was to stimulate the economy and get American-made cars sold again. That sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? Well, too bad considering that the bulk of the cars being bought through the Cash For Clunkers deal are Toyotas and Hondas! I’m sorry Mr. Obama, but your Administration gets three wedgies and a denial to be my Facebook friend for missing your mark on that one!
Lastly, if you’ve had the opportunity to price these new cars with better gas mileage, (which I do daily when I watch “The Price Is Right”) then you’ll notice they cost a lot more than $4,500. So unless you’re rich enough to afford a pricy Prius with a small discount, then you’re pretty much stuck with your old clunker. (That happens to be the sticky barrel of syrup that I’m currently in.) And for that, the folks on Capitol Hill get four out of five kidney punches, and a day of smelling dog poop and not knowing where it’s coming from.
The idea of Cash for Clunkers? Non-slapable. The execution of said project? Slapable.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Disagree? You're a NAZI!
I was sitting at home the other day, watching the “unruly mobs” of people at these town hall meetings. These folks were shouting and yelling at the senators, and I could see how Nancy Pelosi would want to say that these people were “plants,” because if it were me being yelled at, I certainly wouldn’t want to admit that the person was actually that angry.
Miss Pelosi made a little comment though, that got my panties in a twist. She mentioned something about people showing swastikas? Yes, because exercising your freedom of speech always warrants being called a Nazi. I wonder what people would think if I goose-stepped everywhere I went today? I’m going to try it.
After all the town hall shenanigans, Barack Obama began defending his health care plan. I felt absolutely livid. I recently went and had my drivers license renewed, and the process took two and a half hours, just for me to pay the fee! Thinking about government run health care started to make me feel woozy.
As the left side of my body went numb, I started to panic because I am already on government health care! Actually, since I make pretty much nothing have no health insurance of my own, I do enjoy the benefits of Medicaid. So I had to start re-evaluating my point of view.
Whenever I need a prescription filled, Medicaid is there for me. A couple of years ago, I had to start a mild chemo-therapy treatment. It started out intravenously, which was SUPER FUN! (Oh, does my sarcasm translate through print?) But luckily for me, after a while I was switched to pills, (which cost only 3 dollars through Medicaid) and I have been taking those pills ever since.
Now, I’m telling a Medicaid story, not a Medicare story, so you don’t have to worry about some geriatric rant. I’m not going to go off about what I got in the mail today, or what happened on the Price is Right. Wow, I can’t believe how far off-subject I just got. Anyway.
So last month, I failed to fill out some paperwork, and was denied Medicaid. No biggie, right? I’ll just have to pay the full price for the chemo pills. I called up the pharmacy and asked how much my meds would be without government help. Well, for a month supply it was only 2,400 BUCKS! I had Medicaid on the phone that day and was quick to renew my subscription.
I think I’d be happier to accept universal healthcare if I didn’t have to look at some of the faces running our government right now. Nancy, who’s expression always looks like someone shoved a thistle up her rectum, Harry Reed who seems to have never had enough sleep, and Barney Frank… oh my goodness, Barney is a whole other column.
Well, as Mr. Frank would say, “Thankth fouah weeding my bwog!”
Miss Pelosi made a little comment though, that got my panties in a twist. She mentioned something about people showing swastikas? Yes, because exercising your freedom of speech always warrants being called a Nazi. I wonder what people would think if I goose-stepped everywhere I went today? I’m going to try it.
After all the town hall shenanigans, Barack Obama began defending his health care plan. I felt absolutely livid. I recently went and had my drivers license renewed, and the process took two and a half hours, just for me to pay the fee! Thinking about government run health care started to make me feel woozy.
As the left side of my body went numb, I started to panic because I am already on government health care! Actually, since I make pretty much nothing have no health insurance of my own, I do enjoy the benefits of Medicaid. So I had to start re-evaluating my point of view.
Whenever I need a prescription filled, Medicaid is there for me. A couple of years ago, I had to start a mild chemo-therapy treatment. It started out intravenously, which was SUPER FUN! (Oh, does my sarcasm translate through print?) But luckily for me, after a while I was switched to pills, (which cost only 3 dollars through Medicaid) and I have been taking those pills ever since.
Now, I’m telling a Medicaid story, not a Medicare story, so you don’t have to worry about some geriatric rant. I’m not going to go off about what I got in the mail today, or what happened on the Price is Right. Wow, I can’t believe how far off-subject I just got. Anyway.
So last month, I failed to fill out some paperwork, and was denied Medicaid. No biggie, right? I’ll just have to pay the full price for the chemo pills. I called up the pharmacy and asked how much my meds would be without government help. Well, for a month supply it was only 2,400 BUCKS! I had Medicaid on the phone that day and was quick to renew my subscription.
I think I’d be happier to accept universal healthcare if I didn’t have to look at some of the faces running our government right now. Nancy, who’s expression always looks like someone shoved a thistle up her rectum, Harry Reed who seems to have never had enough sleep, and Barney Frank… oh my goodness, Barney is a whole other column.
Well, as Mr. Frank would say, “Thankth fouah weeding my bwog!”
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