Here Comes The Next DSC Professor!

OK, so if you're going to be a teacher, there are several things to keep in mind.

First of all, never let your class walk all over you. It only teaches disrespect of those in authority. Second, be willing to spend that extra amount of time with students who may be struggling. A teacher can be a hero, you know! Third, and this could be the most important, don't expose yourself to your class.

But even if you do decide to take off your clothes in front of your class, you should at least be somewhat prepared to be arrested.

This Kentucky State University instructor went through all the hassle of disrobing, putting his clothes back on, being arrested for indecent exposure and then taken to jail. So why is it his mug shot depicts a look of utter surprise? Like he didn't know he was going to jail?

In the article, interim Provost Ken Harmon said, "He will not be teaching again at KSU."

Well, if he can manage to get a doctorate, he might be able to find a job at Dixie State College!

Christmas on a budget

Send Me To Prison!

So you thought being sent to prison would be the ultimate punishment outside of death, right? Well, not in the case of one particular inmate who was sent to prison for murder.

Yes, murder. So what did the state do to punish him? Well, he was put in a minimum security facility that has internet access available to the inmates.

So one particular inmate actually took photos (so I guess cameras are available, too) of himself holding a bong and licking a knife. 

Awesome.

All the internet access, bong smoking and knife wielding a criminal could possibly want is all available. All you have to do is murder someone.

Where do I begin?

With the world opinion being what is today, one would assume something like this could only happen in America.

But leave it to someone in England to actually get his penis stuck in a stainless steel pipe.

It just goes to show you that you don't have to live in Arkansas to be a crazy redneck pervert.

Now, the story doesn't tell us exactly why the man decided to put his junk in a pipe, so that leaves it up to us to come up with creative reasons. Since there's no photo of the man in question, I can only assume he is horribly ugly. So ugly that only a section of plumber's material would have him.

But the part of the story I found most intruiging was the quote at the end of the article.

"I've only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter," said Greg Garrett, Redbridge fire station watch manager. "It's not a daily occurrence."

Well I should hope not! But what are they doing over in England that this sort of thing happens once every four years or so? I've been on this planet for 30 years and this is the first time I've heard of someone having to get his private parts cut out of a steel tube with construction hardware. I would have thought the watch manager would have said he'd never heard of something like this, either.

But four times in his 17-year career? Yikes. British folk must be uglier than I initially thought.

So Many Cats, So Few Recipes!

One of my most favorite sayings is: "I love Cats! They taste like chicken."
Well, it looks like a guy in Ohio feels the same way I do because as it turns out he is charged with animal cruelty after putting his mom's boyfriend's cat in a heated oven.

OK, so this is actually pretty cruel. Even I think you should never put a cat in a hot oven. You totally have to marinate it first!

Don't worry. The cat will live. Right now he's nursing some burns on his paws, but it looks like he'll live to ignore his owners and pee on things just as he did before.

I highly suggest you read the story on the link I've provided after you watch the news report. I tried embedding the movie here, but the internet gods just refused to help me out on this one.

I just found it ironic (and hilarious) that there's smoke emitting from somewhere during one of the interviews. Cigarette? Perhaps. Kitten Flambe? More likely.

Have you ever lost luggage on an airline before? I don't blame this guy!

Sergie Berejnoi happened to be running late at the airport in Denver, and arrived just as the gate was closing. His bags were already checked and on the plane. He either absolutely could not arrive at his destination late, or had something of worth in his belongings that he didn't want arriving in another city hours before he did.

So he did what any normal person would do, right? He told the TSA people that his luggage, which was already on board, contained a bomb (which it in fact, did not).

Well, that did it! The airplane was returned to the terminal and the gates re-opened. His plan worked, but with one small flaw: Berejnoi was arrested on suspicion of endangering public transportation. Oh, and this guy was from Sandy. Way to represent Utah!

Now I wasn't there, but I can just picture this poor guy's day.

He was probably running late to his mom's funeral in Salt Lake City. On the way to the airport he most likely got a flat tire and then was harassed for cash by some wino on the street. He was probably disheveled and dirty and planned on grabbing his carry-on into the bathroom for a quick rinse and a nail trim. But as we all know, shampoo and nail clippers are a big no-no for carry-on items. So he had to return to the back of his line to check his bag (something he didn't want to do at all). I can just see him running as fast as he could to a terminal entrance on the opposite side of the Denver International Airport. Imagine the dismay as he sprints toward the doors and some bitchy airport employee, who most likely has had one hell of a day herself, shuts the gate and tells him he'll have to catch the next one.

Of course some of that could be true, but most likely most of it is just exaggeration. The point is, with the state of our airports these days, I'm actually surprised there aren't more people who go off their rockers and pull crazy stunts like this one.

For example, a TSA employee recently planted fake cocaine in people's luggage and then confronted them about it, just as a joke. Another case of the airport causing someone to snap? Read the article, and you be the judge.

Rules? Seriously?

It's no secret that Halloween is definitely my favorite time of the year.

So you'll understand that I feel the entire season is under attack. One of the staples of Halloween is trick-or-treating, and a town in Illinois is actually going to fine children of a certain age who dare go trick-or-treating!

Can you believe it? Now I agree if you can drive a car you probably shouldn't be out trick-or-treating. But should it really be illegal? I think if a person wants to refuse candy to someone because he or she seems too old, then it is that person's choice.

I hereby invite everyone to come trick-or-treating at my house. I promise not to refuse candy to anyone! I don't care if you're 30!

Watch the video below to get the skinny, and then I highly recommend you read this blog to get some further insight into this atrocity.

Hey, I'll take some credit too!

We all know it's true that the stimulus bill that was passed isn't doing as much good as the government says it's doing.

But seriously? The White House is taking credit for building wind farms with the stimulus money, the only catch is the wind farms were already built.

Come on people! What does it say about our world today when the politicians make up lies and don't even try to cover them up? Give the American people some credit and at least put some effort into the deceit.

Even this slideshow doesn't do us justice!

Here's a little look into the life of the college journalist. Believe me, it's more work than it seems!

To view the captions, click the little speak bubble on the bottom left hand corner of the slideshow.

If this is what happens at a judicial hearing, then SIGN ME UP!

I've watched Stephen Colbert's show once or twice but never found it that amusing. I get that Bill O'Reilly's model is teeming with satirical opportunities, but I just don't think Colbert's execution hits the mark.

Not only his political show unfunny, but Comedy Central's attempt at creating a two opposing views lineup starting with Jon Stewart on the Democratic side and Stephen Colbert on the Democrat pretending to be a Republican side, just doesn't work for me.

Colbert's laundry list of unqualifications hardly makes him an expert on anything.

So why then was he chosen to testify at a House subcommittee hearing?

Colbert testified before the subcommittee on Sept. 24 about the need to secure our borders against illegal immigrants. Or did he? His sarcasm said otherwise.

His highly sardonic testimony was an affront to the very political bureaucracy that is a House judicial hearing. And that's saying a lot.

Who on Earth thought it would sway anyone's opinion to have Colbert tell us that we need to genetically engineer vegetables to pick themselves? Or that his grandfather didn't travel over the Atlantic just to see this country overrun with illegal aliens? Or that he just realized most soil is at ground level?

Apparently Chairwoman Zoe Lofgren, D-Calif., did because she was the one who invited Colbert in the first place.

At least there was a small bit of sense in the hearing. House Judiciary Chairman John Conyers told Colbert that he needed to exit the room and leave the hearing to the professionals.

So what's next on the docket? Oh yeah, Congress will be telling people how to play baseball and how much salt we can have in our food.

Wow, I guess Colbert's testimony wasn't as much of a farce as I originally thought. Comparatively speaking, of course.

Keep up the good justifications work!

Why do I love them so, so much?!

What is it about triviality that attracts people like me? Why can't I be concerned about things that actually matter?


Well, instead of being concerned with the Ground Zero mosque or the war in Afghanistan, I'm more concerned (and down in the dumps, frankly) about Li-Lo.


Yes, I know we've all heard the troubling news: Lindsay Lohan failed a drug test. So what now? Come on Lindsay! I can't wait forever for you to clean up your act so I can watch you train wreck all over the movie screen! Get your act together please, or you're going to end up dead before you do anything truly fabulous.

At least Marilyn Monroe made lots of hit movies before she was assasinated by Kennedy bitten by the overdose bug. What do you have, Lindsay? "The Parent Trap?"


At least one concern of mine this week doesn't revolve around Hollywood starlets or train wrecking socialites. I'm speaking about repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell."

Oh wait, the only reason I even care is because of Lady Gaga.


Snap.


Gaga was at a rally in Maine speaking to a group of activists out to repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell." I was less interested in the substance of her speech and more interested in what she was wearing. (Nice glasses, by the way!) I was also eager to see how she would justify her meat dress.


That's right. Rather than just come out and say something like, "The meat dress was fake (but not really), so leave me alone," she's been trying to connect the dots of her cold cut hat/dress/shoe combo. In fact, she even called her speech "Equality is the Prime Rib of America."


It's a stretch, Gaga. I think you can have the same effect in your activism without having to explain why you wore meat to the VMAs!

See? Even when my interest is sparked in a national headline, it's usually because of the involvement of some crash-and-burn pop star, or in Gaga's case, my beautiful queen who happened to wear a dress that made PETA mad.

If only these awards meant something!

She's broken the record with 13 MTV Video Music Award nominations.

Everyone bow down to Lady Gaga. Is it just me, or does she continue to break records and be absolutely fabulous? No wonder the world is trying to be like her.

Although imitation is just a form of flattery, it obviously isn't the way get nominations. Poor Miley Cyrus and Christina Aguilera both reinvented themselves to become more Gaga-esque. Whether it was because they really dig her style or they just wanted the attention, the fact still remains it didn't get either of them anywhere.

So it just goes to prove that Gaga has the recipe for success, but she's the only one who knows how turn on the oven.

UPDATE: Lady Gaga took home eight of the 13 awards, and did so looking absolutely fabulous! Is it just me, or is she trying to come across as beautiful rather than scary all of a sudden? Well, in any case, she's succeeding!

Of course, for all this to be true, you would have to forget Gaga's dress she wore while accepting the award for Best Music Video. While I'm a big fan of steaks, I'm not quite sure if I'd go so far as to wear them.


I suppose she was still beautiful, just in a very sick and carnivorous way.

Next time I decide to quit, I'll make sure to become a media darling FIRST!

Steven Slater, of JetBlue fame, finally resigned, according to the Associated Press.

What? I thought he was fired! This just goes to show that JetBlue is more concerned with covering its own ass then doing what is best for its customers, or at least what is best for the company.

Had it been I who yelled at a paying customer, stolen two cases of beer, and deployed an emergency exit to escape the situation, not only would I have been arrested upon landing on the tarmac, but I also would have been fired that very second.

But because the little guy is so under appreciated in this day and age, Slater was given a hero's welcome home (after being released from jail) and has been a media darling ever since.

Don't let this particular post steer you into false thinking. Let me make it absolutely clear: I applaud Slater. He really is a hero who decided enough was enough. The point of this post is to show that PR control by companies is always the bottom line.  I'm sure if JetBlue was positive that no media would ever get wind of what happened that day, Slater would have been terminated and never given the chance to resign.

James Jay Lee wanted new programming, dammit!

Well, I guess it's painfully obvious: If you want to get your voice heard in this country, you've got to take hostages.

The man who hated Discovery was shot down again, so to speak. Unfortunately he figured out that no one really cares about peaceful protests anymore. So the solution? Walk into the Discovery Channel building with a bomb strapped to your body, and proceed to threaten the lives of random employees.

Did it get him what he wanted? Absolutely not. Did it get his face and cause plastered all over live T.V. for almost 4 hours straight? Of course it did.

My friends, I fear the age of civil disobedience is over.