Where do I begin?

With the world opinion being what is today, one would assume something like this could only happen in America.

But leave it to someone in England to actually get his penis stuck in a stainless steel pipe.

It just goes to show you that you don't have to live in Arkansas to be a crazy redneck pervert.

Now, the story doesn't tell us exactly why the man decided to put his junk in a pipe, so that leaves it up to us to come up with creative reasons. Since there's no photo of the man in question, I can only assume he is horribly ugly. So ugly that only a section of plumber's material would have him.

But the part of the story I found most intruiging was the quote at the end of the article.

"I've only come across this type of thing three or four times in my 17 years as a firefighter," said Greg Garrett, Redbridge fire station watch manager. "It's not a daily occurrence."

Well I should hope not! But what are they doing over in England that this sort of thing happens once every four years or so? I've been on this planet for 30 years and this is the first time I've heard of someone having to get his private parts cut out of a steel tube with construction hardware. I would have thought the watch manager would have said he'd never heard of something like this, either.

But four times in his 17-year career? Yikes. British folk must be uglier than I initially thought.

So Many Cats, So Few Recipes!

One of my most favorite sayings is: "I love Cats! They taste like chicken."
Well, it looks like a guy in Ohio feels the same way I do because as it turns out he is charged with animal cruelty after putting his mom's boyfriend's cat in a heated oven.

OK, so this is actually pretty cruel. Even I think you should never put a cat in a hot oven. You totally have to marinate it first!

Don't worry. The cat will live. Right now he's nursing some burns on his paws, but it looks like he'll live to ignore his owners and pee on things just as he did before.

I highly suggest you read the story on the link I've provided after you watch the news report. I tried embedding the movie here, but the internet gods just refused to help me out on this one.

I just found it ironic (and hilarious) that there's smoke emitting from somewhere during one of the interviews. Cigarette? Perhaps. Kitten Flambe? More likely.

Have you ever lost luggage on an airline before? I don't blame this guy!

Sergie Berejnoi happened to be running late at the airport in Denver, and arrived just as the gate was closing. His bags were already checked and on the plane. He either absolutely could not arrive at his destination late, or had something of worth in his belongings that he didn't want arriving in another city hours before he did.

So he did what any normal person would do, right? He told the TSA people that his luggage, which was already on board, contained a bomb (which it in fact, did not).

Well, that did it! The airplane was returned to the terminal and the gates re-opened. His plan worked, but with one small flaw: Berejnoi was arrested on suspicion of endangering public transportation. Oh, and this guy was from Sandy. Way to represent Utah!

Now I wasn't there, but I can just picture this poor guy's day.

He was probably running late to his mom's funeral in Salt Lake City. On the way to the airport he most likely got a flat tire and then was harassed for cash by some wino on the street. He was probably disheveled and dirty and planned on grabbing his carry-on into the bathroom for a quick rinse and a nail trim. But as we all know, shampoo and nail clippers are a big no-no for carry-on items. So he had to return to the back of his line to check his bag (something he didn't want to do at all). I can just see him running as fast as he could to a terminal entrance on the opposite side of the Denver International Airport. Imagine the dismay as he sprints toward the doors and some bitchy airport employee, who most likely has had one hell of a day herself, shuts the gate and tells him he'll have to catch the next one.

Of course some of that could be true, but most likely most of it is just exaggeration. The point is, with the state of our airports these days, I'm actually surprised there aren't more people who go off their rockers and pull crazy stunts like this one.

For example, a TSA employee recently planted fake cocaine in people's luggage and then confronted them about it, just as a joke. Another case of the airport causing someone to snap? Read the article, and you be the judge.