Seven Deadly Professor Sins

It can be so frustrating when a person shows his or her true colors at the most inconvenient of times.




Of course, I'm speaking specifically about the instructors on the DSC campus. Is it intentional that they wait until a student has to pay a fine for dropping and adding classes before the instructor becomes who he or she actually is?



Allow me to clarify. Who out there can say they have never had an instructor who seemed to turn into a different person just after fee time popped up? My guess is that number wouldn't exceed the number of fingers and toes I have.



You know what I'm talking about. Suddenly, out of the blue, a delightfully quirky instructor suddenly becomes the Wicked Witch of the West, or a dry, monotone old coot abruptly turns into Hitler Jr.



All right, perhaps that's a bit extreme, but the conspiracy theorist within me has to wonder: Are they doing it on purpose?



I can just picture it. One week before the semester starts, the instructors meet in a secret cave, 10 miles down a non-descript dirt road on the Arizona strip, and discuss the plan. They decide the joke will be to make students believe a class will actually be worthwhile. That is, until it's time to pay a fee to drop or add a class. Then, purely for their own enjoyment, the instructors change.



Hey, if I were an instructor, I would definitely have that mindset.



I have realized there are seven deadly traits that come out in some instructors after fee time. I have organized them and given examples so that you, the student, can be aware of what to look for.



Pride: When a student finds a flaw in the instructor's teaching, and still the teacher will not admit he or she is wrong. Before you know it, we'll have a state full of Tara Reids because instructors can't admit to teaching something incorrectly. These instructors leave students saying, "WTF?"



Envy: The instructor wishes he or she were 40 years younger, so that instructor takes it out on the student. These instructors are psychic vampires, in a way. They see youth and life and exist solely to suck that youth and life out of students. Don't "LOL" in those classes.



Gluttony: The instructor eats in class, but the student is reprimanded for even attempting to nourish him or herself. Picture it. The instructor is perched on those really high stools that are constantly twirling around, sipping on his coffee mug that says "World's Greatest Brother-in-law," so the student assumes it's OK to open up that Lunchable. But upon doing so, alas, the hate-fest begins.



Anger: Isn't it just hilarious that on a student's best day, he or she can walk into a classroom and have the instructor completely turn that happy sunshine and tap dance morning into a funeral? Note: These instructors often cross over into the envy section as well.



Greed: These instructors have to show off to the class all of the fun things they have; status symbols, if you will. Yeah, we get it. You've got an iPhone, iPod, iMac and an iPad. Good for you. Now excuse me while iPuke.



Lust: An instructor is willing to give that student a better grade… for a price.



Sloth: Wow. This seems to be the weirdest trend in instructorism. A student's homework will be docked half the points or won't receive any credit at all for an assignment that's turned in even a minute after class has started. Heaven forbid that instructor gives back a student's graded work on time. Come midterms, the student will be staring at Blackboard Vista wondering where the heck their grade is. The laziness is disturbing sometimes.



For the sake of my grades, I need to give a special shout-out and the happiest review ever to all my current instructors.



You, my dear instructors, are not on this list. You are the best instructors in the world. Every day I sit and wonder why you aren't teaching at Harvard. I'm surprised Barack Obama hasn't invited you to come live at the White House. I am in awe and totally confused because you haven't been sainted by the pope.



Your review is to spend the remainder of your years sharing your infinite wisdom with humble students, such as myself, who's only passion in life is to learn from someone as wonderful as you.



And to those instructors whose classes I dropped because you began to show one or more of the seven deadly traits, I have a review for you. You shall spend the remainder of your days teaching students who don't want to learn. Yes, classrooms full of the kids whose parents are paying for their tuition from another state, just to get them as far away from home as possible.



Oh, and you must admit when you're wrong and accept that you're older than most students. You can't eat in class (but your students can) and you must always smile and teach with a giggle. You can't bring your gadgets to class, and you're not allowed to hit on any of your students.