You can’t run away from your past, at least that’s what they tell me.
I was walking to a class the other day and walked by an old friend. He promptly called out, “Hey Jojo!” This recalled a lifetime of old identities and odd personalities I used to (and still do) take on. If you haven’t already figured it out, I once donned the nickname “Jojo.” I know, it’s pathetic.
I’m sometimes covetous of names that can have “cuter” versions. Robert can be Bobby, and Tim can be Timmy. As of now, I’ve settled with the fact that the cutest version of my name is Matty. Obviously I’d taken that desire to have a cute name a bit too far in the past. The nickname “Jojo” actually originated from the Beatles’ song “Get Back,” but in hindsight, I realize it sounded more like a blonde cheerleader than the “Man who thought he was an owner.”
Do I give a bad review to myself, or to the people who should have stopped me from making such a social blunder? Well, I suppose the review should be divided equally between the two of us. I think that deserves four out of five toenail clippings found in mine/their Blue Bunny ice cream.
Rewinding further on the VHS of my life, I’ve come to the realization that I am the Madonna of Utah. Not because I posed nude for some pictures in the 80’s (which technically is true considering the baby-in-the-bathtub photos that are in my family’s album), but because I’m constantly re-inventing myself. Or rather, changing names/clothes/hair color all the time.
Another quandary; do I review myself for not sticking to one identity, or do I review myself for comparing my life to Madonna’s? Either way, the review would have to be a week locked in a dark room with “Holiday” by Madonna playing non-stop. That would be worse than water-boarding.
At the end of the 90’s and the beginning of the new millennium, I went by the nickname “Butterscotch” and frequented dance clubs and raves. I won’t get into the specifics there, but when I think about the outfits I used to wear I can’t help but wonder: did I look like the love-child of Cyndi Lauper and LL Cool J? Why is it I only comprehend my ridiculousness years afterward? Another review for myself: for not taking a hard look in the mirror and saying, “do I really want to go out in public like this?” I think I get eight out of 10 kisses from someone who has a big cold-sore.
Around that same time I believe I lied about my name on a job application, and then later faked my own death rather than quit. I promise I’m not making this up. I hated my boss so much, that I couldn’t take it anymore. I wrote her a suicide note and never came back to work. Is it fitting that my first major in college was Theater Arts?
Once upon a time I dyed my hair black, donned vampire-esque clothing, and told new people I met that my name was “Drake.” At the time, I wasn’t entirely aware that a drake was a male duck. I think I was 16. I do believe that was the same year I pretended to be twins.
I wouldn’t classify myself as a “liar,” just someone who likes to spice things up when life gets a little too boring. However, these things usually come back to bite me in the ass, and for not thinking these little embellishments through, my self-review is to drink two out of five glasses of lemonade, which in reality is water from the toddler section at the city pool.
Here’s a little free advice to any person who happens to have the free time to read my humble column: take a brutally honest look at yourself. Ask yourself some questions. Are the pictures people might take of me be incriminating in the future? Will my children look at me someday and say “what were you thinking?” When I lie to get out of class/work/dates, will that lie come back to haunt me? Is my nickname really that awesome? Ponder these questions. May you avoid the same pitiful faux pas that I made in my past. And now my children, go take on the day.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
BEING SICK SUCKS!
This will appear in the Wednesday issue of the Dixie Sun.
I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Cliché, I know, but that saying is so appropriate. Last week I was hit with the flu, and it was far from fun. I don’t need to remind any of you who’ve had the flu about the time spent in the bathroom, the body temperature fluctuations, and the gallons and gallons of snot and mucus. Sorry, I hope nobody is eating while reading this review.
Whoever gave me the flu gets 35 out of 40 nose hairs plucked from his or her nostrils one at a time, very, very slowly. This person also gets 10 of those hairs stuck on his or her tongue, all day, with no way of removing them.
Furthermore, students who come to school sick get eight out of 10 days of publicly having “potty problems” in their pants. What sort of nincompoops wake up in the morning with their eyes crusted over and a nose completely full of snot and say to themselves: “I’m going to be like the Democrats. I’m going to re-distribute my sickness?”
Don’t think you are being a martyr by “sucking it up” and coming to school while under the inFLUence. Have a little common courtesy and spare the rest of us from your problematic germs.
It’s super easy to e-mail or call your professors and let them in on your situation. I’ll bet you $2 your professor’s e-mail address and phone number are on page one of your syllabus. If your teachers protest, kindly remind them that the president of the United States said to stay home if you think you are getting the flu. Now who would want to go against what his royal highness suggests? Wouldn’t that be treason?
Don’t think that I haven’t considered the porcine factor, either. Believe me, yesterday I asked myself, “What if it’s swine flu?” The pigs that started this whole H1N1 virus get five out of five donkey punches.
Since I had to go to the doctor to make sure I wasn't dying, it got me thinking about the bigger picture. If this whole health care fiasco continues on it's current track, I might be doomed if I get sick in the future.
What if this health care bill passes? What will happen then? I will admit that I am benefiting from Medicaid right now, and without it I would be lost. This new bill the members of Congress are proposing basically says that every citizen will be required to buy health insurance. If citizens don't purchase insurance, they will be “taxed,” or rather fined.
If I can’t afford to buy this insurance, I will get fined an amount I most likely will not be able to pay. So will I end up sick and in jail? That won’t be any fun at all. I would imagine the flu would just get continuously passed around from inmate to inmate. The sickness would be eternal.
Since I missed school last Wednesday, I had a whole day to sit around and think about my bad health and what could happen to me in the future if our nation keeps going in this direction.
Congress, by the way, gets one straight month of having to attend sessions in speedos and bikinis, with extra press coverage. If you’ve seen any of the representatives on Capitol Hill, you’ll know this wouldn’t be pleasant. (Perhaps that would be too much of a punishment for the public, though-something to think about.)
If you are sick, sneezing, coughing, puking, pooping too much, getting hot, getting cold, or just plain don’t feel healthy, for heaven’s sake stay home please. If I find the person who got me sick, the smackdown will be epic.
I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Cliché, I know, but that saying is so appropriate. Last week I was hit with the flu, and it was far from fun. I don’t need to remind any of you who’ve had the flu about the time spent in the bathroom, the body temperature fluctuations, and the gallons and gallons of snot and mucus. Sorry, I hope nobody is eating while reading this review.
Whoever gave me the flu gets 35 out of 40 nose hairs plucked from his or her nostrils one at a time, very, very slowly. This person also gets 10 of those hairs stuck on his or her tongue, all day, with no way of removing them.
Furthermore, students who come to school sick get eight out of 10 days of publicly having “potty problems” in their pants. What sort of nincompoops wake up in the morning with their eyes crusted over and a nose completely full of snot and say to themselves: “I’m going to be like the Democrats. I’m going to re-distribute my sickness?”
Don’t think you are being a martyr by “sucking it up” and coming to school while under the inFLUence. Have a little common courtesy and spare the rest of us from your problematic germs.
It’s super easy to e-mail or call your professors and let them in on your situation. I’ll bet you $2 your professor’s e-mail address and phone number are on page one of your syllabus. If your teachers protest, kindly remind them that the president of the United States said to stay home if you think you are getting the flu. Now who would want to go against what his royal highness suggests? Wouldn’t that be treason?
Don’t think that I haven’t considered the porcine factor, either. Believe me, yesterday I asked myself, “What if it’s swine flu?” The pigs that started this whole H1N1 virus get five out of five donkey punches.
Since I had to go to the doctor to make sure I wasn't dying, it got me thinking about the bigger picture. If this whole health care fiasco continues on it's current track, I might be doomed if I get sick in the future.
What if this health care bill passes? What will happen then? I will admit that I am benefiting from Medicaid right now, and without it I would be lost. This new bill the members of Congress are proposing basically says that every citizen will be required to buy health insurance. If citizens don't purchase insurance, they will be “taxed,” or rather fined.
If I can’t afford to buy this insurance, I will get fined an amount I most likely will not be able to pay. So will I end up sick and in jail? That won’t be any fun at all. I would imagine the flu would just get continuously passed around from inmate to inmate. The sickness would be eternal.
Since I missed school last Wednesday, I had a whole day to sit around and think about my bad health and what could happen to me in the future if our nation keeps going in this direction.
Congress, by the way, gets one straight month of having to attend sessions in speedos and bikinis, with extra press coverage. If you’ve seen any of the representatives on Capitol Hill, you’ll know this wouldn’t be pleasant. (Perhaps that would be too much of a punishment for the public, though-something to think about.)
If you are sick, sneezing, coughing, puking, pooping too much, getting hot, getting cold, or just plain don’t feel healthy, for heaven’s sake stay home please. If I find the person who got me sick, the smackdown will be epic.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The St. George AIDS walk
I had four different people pay $11 each for me to walk about half of a mile today.
While it was a pretty expensive stroll, it, along with the donations of other people, added up to this year’s Southern Utah Aids Walk. While the attendance was small, about 60 people, the amounts raised for HIV testing was huge! Over $3000 was donated today for the testing of HIV in the Dixie and southern Nevada areas.
An HIV test costs about $11, so the group UTAH AIDS WALK asked that everyone bring increments of $11 to participate in the walk. My total was $44 thanks to 2 college staff members, a close friend, and my brother’s family.
I went by myself, but it didn’t take long before I saw other people I knew, and met some new friends.
I wasn’t able to get started with the rest of the group on account of the 3 bottles of water and cup of coffee I’d had prior to the walk, not to mention the long line at the bathroom. It did make for some pretty good pictures, though. I made it my own personal goal to get from the very back to the very front and talk to some people along the way.
I saw some fellow students from the college. We talked about the recent ACLU visit, and one student in particular who is involved in the Dixie State Gay/Straight Alliance told me she was very glad that the story made front page news on the Spectrum, but was a little sad that the story had to share with a piece on drop fees on the cover of the Dixie Sun.
The members of the ACLU themselves were in attendance as well. I had the opportunity to speak with them and see just how down to earth and fun they all were.
I passed countless amounts of dogs leading around their owners via leash on my way through the walking crowd, one was even waiting to be adopted; a hound named “Roger.” In hindsight, I should have taken him home. I miss him already. He, along with many other pets, can be a part of anyone’s family! Just check out the Utah PAWS website: www.dixiepaws.org. I might be tracking Roger down later.
Up near the front I chatted with and took some pictures of the leaders of the group. It was mostly small talk, but there was a definite camaraderie I could feel between all of us.
My favorite moments were snapping pictures and yelling out, “SMILE!” It made me feel important.
The people in attendance were from every walk of life. The age range was from toddlers to grandparents. People who simply want to help people seem to be the kind of folks that showed up. I have a new favorite saying concerning HIV/AIDS that I picked up on this walk: “You don’t have to be INFECTED to be AFFECTED.”
The teams that put this together are still working on a website. But if you would like information about the AIDS Walk, you can call my new friend Chris Doss at (435) 669-8970.
While it was a pretty expensive stroll, it, along with the donations of other people, added up to this year’s Southern Utah Aids Walk. While the attendance was small, about 60 people, the amounts raised for HIV testing was huge! Over $3000 was donated today for the testing of HIV in the Dixie and southern Nevada areas.
An HIV test costs about $11, so the group UTAH AIDS WALK asked that everyone bring increments of $11 to participate in the walk. My total was $44 thanks to 2 college staff members, a close friend, and my brother’s family.
I went by myself, but it didn’t take long before I saw other people I knew, and met some new friends.
I wasn’t able to get started with the rest of the group on account of the 3 bottles of water and cup of coffee I’d had prior to the walk, not to mention the long line at the bathroom. It did make for some pretty good pictures, though. I made it my own personal goal to get from the very back to the very front and talk to some people along the way.
I saw some fellow students from the college. We talked about the recent ACLU visit, and one student in particular who is involved in the Dixie State Gay/Straight Alliance told me she was very glad that the story made front page news on the Spectrum, but was a little sad that the story had to share with a piece on drop fees on the cover of the Dixie Sun.
The members of the ACLU themselves were in attendance as well. I had the opportunity to speak with them and see just how down to earth and fun they all were.
I passed countless amounts of dogs leading around their owners via leash on my way through the walking crowd, one was even waiting to be adopted; a hound named “Roger.” In hindsight, I should have taken him home. I miss him already. He, along with many other pets, can be a part of anyone’s family! Just check out the Utah PAWS website: www.dixiepaws.org. I might be tracking Roger down later.
Up near the front I chatted with and took some pictures of the leaders of the group. It was mostly small talk, but there was a definite camaraderie I could feel between all of us.
My favorite moments were snapping pictures and yelling out, “SMILE!” It made me feel important.
The people in attendance were from every walk of life. The age range was from toddlers to grandparents. People who simply want to help people seem to be the kind of folks that showed up. I have a new favorite saying concerning HIV/AIDS that I picked up on this walk: “You don’t have to be INFECTED to be AFFECTED.”
The teams that put this together are still working on a website. But if you would like information about the AIDS Walk, you can call my new friend Chris Doss at (435) 669-8970.
Monday, September 21, 2009
ACORNs are for squirrels... not hookers
I think everyone is starting to realize ACORN is nuts.
Right off the top, I’ve got to give the people at ACORN, The Association for Community Organizers for Reform Now, my worst review ever. That means they get 72 hours in a room full of dirty diapers, the thermostat set at 118 degrees, chained to treadmills going 10 miles-per-hour, and no Desitin allowed.
My review comes on the heels of, but is not about, this inner-city society’s voter fraud scandal. ACORN employees have been hammered in many states across this luxurious land of ours for registering voters who, in essence, didn’t exist. The organization had numerous voter cards filled out for single persons, and even some cards filled out for various Disney characters. If my name were Mickey Mouse, I don’t know if I’d be too pleased when people called my registration “fraudulent.” But I digress.
If you haven’t been following the news, let me get you up to speed. A 25-year-old videographer and a 20-year-old college girl took it upon themselves to go under-cover as a pimp and a prostitute. They tried to get ACORN employees to help them obtain a house to use as a brothel, and skirt some federal laws. That, as the infomercial stars will tell you, is not all. They also told these skuzzy community organizers they were bringing in under-aged girls from out of the country to work in this imaginary ho-house.
While the majority of the ACORN officers didn’t comply with the hooker and her man’s requests, there were a select few who didn’t seem to care about the legal, let alone the moral implications, of helping out such a dubious pair. This was all caught on hidden camera. This is all over the FOX news channel, and network news is starting to pick it up as well... finally. Go to www.foxnews.com if you want to read the details.
I know there isn’t a whole lot of relevancy in this ACORN story to those of us here in Utah, but the whole idea of these college-aged amateur investigative reporters doing under-cover work has my mind in a tizzy.
Kudos to vigilantes. If you’ve had the opportunity to see pictures of this gotcha-duo, you’ll notice that their appearances were those of Halloween costumes at best. That means they had to sell themselves as the real thing, in order for those ACORN poltroons to see past the fur coats and mini-skirts and believe them to be the real thing.
For some of the best under-cover investigative journalism we’ve seen since Linda Tripp (if we can call that journalism), the hidden-camera college kids are hereby awarded the “Skewed Review Golden Goat.” (They were awesome, without any ifs, ands or “butts.”) The Golden Goat comes along with a $50 gift certificate redeemable at the four stores still open at the Red Cliffs Mall. If I were them, I’d spend that quickly before the mall goes out of business.
You’ll hear that his royal highness Ba-rock-my-world Obama has deep-rooted ties with these criminals, I mean community organizers, but that evidence is weak at best. Yes, monies have changed hands from one to the other and back again, but that hardly connects our commander-in-chief to the illegalities of this organization. So for being fair to our country’s CEO, or as I like to call him, our Chairman of the Bored, I award myself with the “Skewed Review Platinum Platypus” because someone as balanced as I am is, like the platypus, an anomaly.
The ACORN branch (no pun intended) in Maryland is trying to sue these two do-gooders because filming someone without their knowledge is a crime in that state. That’s a far worse crime than say, housing underage girls and making money off them by the patronage of perverts. If the attorney general in Maryland pursues this twisted avenue, I’m afraid he’s going to be awarded the “Skewed Review Silver Skunk.” Bad news, Mr. Attorney General, it’s not real silver.
This whole undercover circus has started a fire in my pants, and not just because I‘m a liar. I have the sudden and overwhelming urge to dress up as someone I’m not, hide a camera, and go get some bad guys. I guess I’ll be buying a Halloween costume and an undercover disguise at the Halloween boutiques that are open around town.
The nearest ACORN office is two hours away in Las Vegas, so I need to start racking my brain for closer alternatives. I can’t go after the Dixie One Card anymore because they actually made things right with me. Perhaps there’s some Wal-Mart scandal I can involve myself with?
Shame on you, ACORN. I think our world would benefit by having more people like James O’Keefe, pimp extraordinaire, and Hannah Giles, prostitabulous.
Right off the top, I’ve got to give the people at ACORN, The Association for Community Organizers for Reform Now, my worst review ever. That means they get 72 hours in a room full of dirty diapers, the thermostat set at 118 degrees, chained to treadmills going 10 miles-per-hour, and no Desitin allowed.
My review comes on the heels of, but is not about, this inner-city society’s voter fraud scandal. ACORN employees have been hammered in many states across this luxurious land of ours for registering voters who, in essence, didn’t exist. The organization had numerous voter cards filled out for single persons, and even some cards filled out for various Disney characters. If my name were Mickey Mouse, I don’t know if I’d be too pleased when people called my registration “fraudulent.” But I digress.
If you haven’t been following the news, let me get you up to speed. A 25-year-old videographer and a 20-year-old college girl took it upon themselves to go under-cover as a pimp and a prostitute. They tried to get ACORN employees to help them obtain a house to use as a brothel, and skirt some federal laws. That, as the infomercial stars will tell you, is not all. They also told these skuzzy community organizers they were bringing in under-aged girls from out of the country to work in this imaginary ho-house.
While the majority of the ACORN officers didn’t comply with the hooker and her man’s requests, there were a select few who didn’t seem to care about the legal, let alone the moral implications, of helping out such a dubious pair. This was all caught on hidden camera. This is all over the FOX news channel, and network news is starting to pick it up as well... finally. Go to www.foxnews.com if you want to read the details.
I know there isn’t a whole lot of relevancy in this ACORN story to those of us here in Utah, but the whole idea of these college-aged amateur investigative reporters doing under-cover work has my mind in a tizzy.
Kudos to vigilantes. If you’ve had the opportunity to see pictures of this gotcha-duo, you’ll notice that their appearances were those of Halloween costumes at best. That means they had to sell themselves as the real thing, in order for those ACORN poltroons to see past the fur coats and mini-skirts and believe them to be the real thing.
For some of the best under-cover investigative journalism we’ve seen since Linda Tripp (if we can call that journalism), the hidden-camera college kids are hereby awarded the “Skewed Review Golden Goat.” (They were awesome, without any ifs, ands or “butts.”) The Golden Goat comes along with a $50 gift certificate redeemable at the four stores still open at the Red Cliffs Mall. If I were them, I’d spend that quickly before the mall goes out of business.
You’ll hear that his royal highness Ba-rock-my-world Obama has deep-rooted ties with these criminals, I mean community organizers, but that evidence is weak at best. Yes, monies have changed hands from one to the other and back again, but that hardly connects our commander-in-chief to the illegalities of this organization. So for being fair to our country’s CEO, or as I like to call him, our Chairman of the Bored, I award myself with the “Skewed Review Platinum Platypus” because someone as balanced as I am is, like the platypus, an anomaly.
The ACORN branch (no pun intended) in Maryland is trying to sue these two do-gooders because filming someone without their knowledge is a crime in that state. That’s a far worse crime than say, housing underage girls and making money off them by the patronage of perverts. If the attorney general in Maryland pursues this twisted avenue, I’m afraid he’s going to be awarded the “Skewed Review Silver Skunk.” Bad news, Mr. Attorney General, it’s not real silver.
This whole undercover circus has started a fire in my pants, and not just because I‘m a liar. I have the sudden and overwhelming urge to dress up as someone I’m not, hide a camera, and go get some bad guys. I guess I’ll be buying a Halloween costume and an undercover disguise at the Halloween boutiques that are open around town.
The nearest ACORN office is two hours away in Las Vegas, so I need to start racking my brain for closer alternatives. I can’t go after the Dixie One Card anymore because they actually made things right with me. Perhaps there’s some Wal-Mart scandal I can involve myself with?
Shame on you, ACORN. I think our world would benefit by having more people like James O’Keefe, pimp extraordinaire, and Hannah Giles, prostitabulous.
Friday, September 11, 2009
My college-issued debit card
The Skewed Review: Higher One is low
Stress: (noun) Anything having to do with Matty’s life, made worse by the song “The Climb,” and the Dixie Higher One card.
I am unsure right now of the Sun’s plans to report on the Dixie One Card, but after the Labor Day weekend, I feel it is my solemn duty to review the hell out of it.
In this super-happy time of rainbows and baby kittens, otherwise known as the United States economic mosh pit, I’ve noticed that the “trickle-down effect” is indeed in play. All of the financial crap that is happening to our country at the highest level is the same crap that’s happening to me! The stupid policies of the Dixie One Card aren’t making any of this easier.
Over the Labor Day holiday weekend I took a trip to Salt Lake to visit my sister and her hubby. I used a small portion of my recent student loan to pay for transportation to and from the City of Salt, as well as sustenance to keep me alive. This, as any student who made the mistake of using their card AT ALL will tell you, was a mistake.
My panties are in such a twist right now.
Somewhere along the way, my account was overdrawn. Were you aware that every time your card goes over the limit, there is a $35 insufficient funds fee? Well, since I bought breakfast, gas, lunch and a snack, (three separate transactions) the money “owed” piled up. Oh, and if the money isn’t paid right away, the debt continues to grow. EVERYONE involved with this whole One Card insanity gets 28 days of the month with the Miley Cyrus song “The Climb” stuck in their heads -- NON-STOP.
I will never admit to being smart when it comes to money. That would be a total lie. But considering that I’m a college student, can’t these mooncalves at Master Card give me a break? For an overdraft totaling about $16, I am now in the red for about $150. On second thought, “The Climb” needs to be stuck in their heads for every day but their birthdays.
How many of you college students can boast perfect spending habits? And if you do exist out there, I don’t want to hear about it because it would only peeve me more. Give us a BREAK Higher One!
I might be in a bad mood because last night I couldn’t get to sleep on account of Miss Cyrus’s song “The Climb” playing over and over in my head. The act of writing this review is only making it worse.
Alright, birthdays included you sadistic One Card demons.
I know that this is my fault. There’s nothing more annoying than someone who blames everyone but themselves. Well, there is one thing more annoying… “The Climb.” But I believe with every spend-happy piece of my soul that the punishment is far too harsh for a struggling college student.
And don’t get me started on the “safeguards” they have in place. If you thought about having the One Card website notify you if you by text message when your account is getting low, think again. You’ll never get the message.
This, in addition to all the other countless hidden fees that come along with this so called “easy way” to access your refund money and student loans makes this Higher One Card far from number one on my list.
I guess I just need to think positive. There’s always going to be another mountain. I’m always going to want to make it move. It’s always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m going to have to lose. That song cannot be escaped.
Miley Cyrus, by the way, gets a week of having socks that keep sliding down into her shoes and underwear that rides up ever time she has to fix her socks for getting up one morning and saying, “Hey, I should write a song that make every stressful moment in Matt Jacobson’s life even worse!”
If you are the unfortunate user of the One Card, my advice to you is this: Transfer any and all funds as far away from the horrors of the card as fast as you can, and then cut it up, burn it, spit on the ashes, bury the remains and dance on the grave. Dixie Higher One: you are an abomination.
R.I.P.
Stress: (noun) Anything having to do with Matty’s life, made worse by the song “The Climb,” and the Dixie Higher One card.
I am unsure right now of the Sun’s plans to report on the Dixie One Card, but after the Labor Day weekend, I feel it is my solemn duty to review the hell out of it.
In this super-happy time of rainbows and baby kittens, otherwise known as the United States economic mosh pit, I’ve noticed that the “trickle-down effect” is indeed in play. All of the financial crap that is happening to our country at the highest level is the same crap that’s happening to me! The stupid policies of the Dixie One Card aren’t making any of this easier.
Over the Labor Day holiday weekend I took a trip to Salt Lake to visit my sister and her hubby. I used a small portion of my recent student loan to pay for transportation to and from the City of Salt, as well as sustenance to keep me alive. This, as any student who made the mistake of using their card AT ALL will tell you, was a mistake.
My panties are in such a twist right now.
Somewhere along the way, my account was overdrawn. Were you aware that every time your card goes over the limit, there is a $35 insufficient funds fee? Well, since I bought breakfast, gas, lunch and a snack, (three separate transactions) the money “owed” piled up. Oh, and if the money isn’t paid right away, the debt continues to grow. EVERYONE involved with this whole One Card insanity gets 28 days of the month with the Miley Cyrus song “The Climb” stuck in their heads -- NON-STOP.
I will never admit to being smart when it comes to money. That would be a total lie. But considering that I’m a college student, can’t these mooncalves at Master Card give me a break? For an overdraft totaling about $16, I am now in the red for about $150. On second thought, “The Climb” needs to be stuck in their heads for every day but their birthdays.
How many of you college students can boast perfect spending habits? And if you do exist out there, I don’t want to hear about it because it would only peeve me more. Give us a BREAK Higher One!
I might be in a bad mood because last night I couldn’t get to sleep on account of Miss Cyrus’s song “The Climb” playing over and over in my head. The act of writing this review is only making it worse.
Alright, birthdays included you sadistic One Card demons.
I know that this is my fault. There’s nothing more annoying than someone who blames everyone but themselves. Well, there is one thing more annoying… “The Climb.” But I believe with every spend-happy piece of my soul that the punishment is far too harsh for a struggling college student.
And don’t get me started on the “safeguards” they have in place. If you thought about having the One Card website notify you if you by text message when your account is getting low, think again. You’ll never get the message.
This, in addition to all the other countless hidden fees that come along with this so called “easy way” to access your refund money and student loans makes this Higher One Card far from number one on my list.
I guess I just need to think positive. There’s always going to be another mountain. I’m always going to want to make it move. It’s always going to be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m going to have to lose. That song cannot be escaped.
Miley Cyrus, by the way, gets a week of having socks that keep sliding down into her shoes and underwear that rides up ever time she has to fix her socks for getting up one morning and saying, “Hey, I should write a song that make every stressful moment in Matt Jacobson’s life even worse!”
If you are the unfortunate user of the One Card, my advice to you is this: Transfer any and all funds as far away from the horrors of the card as fast as you can, and then cut it up, burn it, spit on the ashes, bury the remains and dance on the grave. Dixie Higher One: you are an abomination.
R.I.P.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
This is a revision of my "Points System" article. I decided it needed to have shorter stories and be more inclusive with a little bit of advice.
I used to consider myself a somewhat educated person; witty and smart and quick to learn. This semester at Dixie however, has proved me wrong.
Last week as the staff of the Dixie Sun were gathering to discuss our upcoming issue, I was asked for a hard copy of my column, which I didn’t have. The only computers in the room were Macs, and at the cost of my popularity I’ll admit right now that my laptop is a PC.
I took out my flash drive, and plugged it into the foreign machine that sat in front of me. That was all he wrote because I couldn’t figure out how to get a document opened, let alone transfer the content from PC compatible to Mac, and then print it. Our advisor looked at me as if I had just stuck my finger in a light socket and then wondered why my hair was smoking. I felt like an idiot.
You can bet that I began thinking of how I was going to review the Mac world. Just when I was about to award Steve Wozniack 9 out of ten McDonald’s French fries wiped across his favorite shirt, I suddenly started wondering if those fries needed to be wiped on me. I had to ask myself: am I textbook stupid?
I recalled the time I was sitting at a stoplight in St. George, waiting for it to turn green, and suddenly the car behind me began honking. I looked back at him, turned back to the road, and realized I was at a stop SIGN. I’d have to award myself 3 out of 5 days of loud gas at school for that one.
And then there’s the ADD moments. I can’t even count the times I’ve left my cell phone in a bathroom on campus. I went to turn my phone off as I was checking in to the testing center, and I actually had to run down to the Red Rock Café when I realized I’d left it in those bathrooms. Maybe I shouldn’t use that “down time” to check my schedule and send text messages. I’d have to give myself 2 hangnails and a day of having to get stuff out of my pocket for that.
I find myself holding back my questions on things for fear of looking and sounding stupid. I have to wonder how many other people do that? Are we as a society becoming dumber and dumber because we are afraid to ask questions for the fear of looking and sounding like idiots?
When I got my first iPod (last year…) I was so afraid to ask exactly how to download songs. Everyone has an iPod, and I felt as if I was the last person on earth to actually own one. So when searching for songs I liked on the internet, I would come across an album that I thought was the one I wanted. I didn’t know you could listen to the songs before you bought them. I think I wasted about 50 bucks downloading albums I realized I didn’t want. For not ASKING how to do it, I award myself a day of Slip-n-Sliding on a lawn with lots of sprinkler heads. Ouch.
The list goes on. I’ve been indoors and turned on lights and wondered why it was so dark. Then I took my sunglasses off. I’ve pressed the AC button in my truck and wondered why the interior was so hot, but people coming towards me were flashing their lights. Then I noticed I turned on my flashers instead of the air conditioning. I’ve even walked to my first class and wondered why my feet hurt so much, before taking off my shoes and switching each one to the correct foot. The reviews I could give myself would fill a book. So I hereby award myself 4 out of 5 books that have to be re-read over and over again because of the constant ADD moments that make me forget what I’ve read RIGHT after I’ve read it.
And here’s my advice to all of you. The next time you think you’re going to sound stupid for asking a question, just ask it. And if the person reacts to your question as if you’re dumb, simply remind them that learning is the only cure for stupidity.
I used to consider myself a somewhat educated person; witty and smart and quick to learn. This semester at Dixie however, has proved me wrong.
Last week as the staff of the Dixie Sun were gathering to discuss our upcoming issue, I was asked for a hard copy of my column, which I didn’t have. The only computers in the room were Macs, and at the cost of my popularity I’ll admit right now that my laptop is a PC.
I took out my flash drive, and plugged it into the foreign machine that sat in front of me. That was all he wrote because I couldn’t figure out how to get a document opened, let alone transfer the content from PC compatible to Mac, and then print it. Our advisor looked at me as if I had just stuck my finger in a light socket and then wondered why my hair was smoking. I felt like an idiot.
You can bet that I began thinking of how I was going to review the Mac world. Just when I was about to award Steve Wozniack 9 out of ten McDonald’s French fries wiped across his favorite shirt, I suddenly started wondering if those fries needed to be wiped on me. I had to ask myself: am I textbook stupid?
I recalled the time I was sitting at a stoplight in St. George, waiting for it to turn green, and suddenly the car behind me began honking. I looked back at him, turned back to the road, and realized I was at a stop SIGN. I’d have to award myself 3 out of 5 days of loud gas at school for that one.
And then there’s the ADD moments. I can’t even count the times I’ve left my cell phone in a bathroom on campus. I went to turn my phone off as I was checking in to the testing center, and I actually had to run down to the Red Rock Café when I realized I’d left it in those bathrooms. Maybe I shouldn’t use that “down time” to check my schedule and send text messages. I’d have to give myself 2 hangnails and a day of having to get stuff out of my pocket for that.
I find myself holding back my questions on things for fear of looking and sounding stupid. I have to wonder how many other people do that? Are we as a society becoming dumber and dumber because we are afraid to ask questions for the fear of looking and sounding like idiots?
When I got my first iPod (last year…) I was so afraid to ask exactly how to download songs. Everyone has an iPod, and I felt as if I was the last person on earth to actually own one. So when searching for songs I liked on the internet, I would come across an album that I thought was the one I wanted. I didn’t know you could listen to the songs before you bought them. I think I wasted about 50 bucks downloading albums I realized I didn’t want. For not ASKING how to do it, I award myself a day of Slip-n-Sliding on a lawn with lots of sprinkler heads. Ouch.
The list goes on. I’ve been indoors and turned on lights and wondered why it was so dark. Then I took my sunglasses off. I’ve pressed the AC button in my truck and wondered why the interior was so hot, but people coming towards me were flashing their lights. Then I noticed I turned on my flashers instead of the air conditioning. I’ve even walked to my first class and wondered why my feet hurt so much, before taking off my shoes and switching each one to the correct foot. The reviews I could give myself would fill a book. So I hereby award myself 4 out of 5 books that have to be re-read over and over again because of the constant ADD moments that make me forget what I’ve read RIGHT after I’ve read it.
And here’s my advice to all of you. The next time you think you’re going to sound stupid for asking a question, just ask it. And if the person reacts to your question as if you’re dumb, simply remind them that learning is the only cure for stupidity.
This is another bland article that will be in the Dixie Sun. Check out www.dixiesunlink.com for the "official" article coming out on Wednesday!
Graffiti is often looked upon as a form of vandalism, but is actually an artistic expression, says www.graffnews.com, a website that shows the inventive artwork in a positive light.
The website is dedicated to graffiti and graffiti artists around the nation. The site includes photos and videos of the different “tags” that are seen around the United States. There is even a Utah section where there are excerpts from the local papers on the issues concerning graffiti in the area.
The Internet houses a wide variety of websites committed to graffiti, most of which are pro-tagging. Anyone can find interesting and unique forms of graffiti all over the web. www.puregraffiti.com features not only photos and video of the U.S., but also covers regions worldwide.
This and most other sites include interviews, comments, blogs, and often ads for graffiti paraphernalia. www.thegreenhead.com even has an “LED spray can” for sale. It’s a spray can shaped light that can “paint” in the air. This gadget was also advertised on graffnews.com and puregraffiti.com.
Some Dixie State College students agree that graffiti can be a form of artistic expression, but believe there can be a better outlet for it. Steven Johnson from Las Vegas who is studying generals says that “Vegas is a big graffiti place.” He said that graffiti can be “artistic, but some of it is vulgar.” He says that since he’s moved to St. George, he hasn’t seen any graffiti at all.
Johnson believes as a creative outlet, graffiti can be positive. “If it weren’t considered vandalism, it would be a great form of art,” he said.
Alex Marshall, a junior Biology student from St. George doesn’t think that graffiti artists should use walls as places for their artwork. “I think it’s really artistic and cool,” she says, “I think they just need to put it down on a canvas instead of a wall.”
As far as locally, Marshall says that she doesn’t see graffiti around town very often because “St. George is pretty good about cleaning it up really fast.”
Dixie State College Registrar, Julie Stender says that graffiti “is artistic, but it is vandalism.” Her advice to graffiti artists is: “Find a better outlet for it than on the side of someone’s building or fence.”
Artistic or not, the vandalism has a price. In 2007 St. George spent $47,000 on graffiti clean-up, according to http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,635213467,00.html.
The students and staff seem to be in agreement that graffiti can be artistic and creative, and that if applied in a way that isn’t vandalism, is acceptable.
Graffiti is often looked upon as a form of vandalism, but is actually an artistic expression, says www.graffnews.com, a website that shows the inventive artwork in a positive light.
The website is dedicated to graffiti and graffiti artists around the nation. The site includes photos and videos of the different “tags” that are seen around the United States. There is even a Utah section where there are excerpts from the local papers on the issues concerning graffiti in the area.
The Internet houses a wide variety of websites committed to graffiti, most of which are pro-tagging. Anyone can find interesting and unique forms of graffiti all over the web. www.puregraffiti.com features not only photos and video of the U.S., but also covers regions worldwide.
This and most other sites include interviews, comments, blogs, and often ads for graffiti paraphernalia. www.thegreenhead.com even has an “LED spray can” for sale. It’s a spray can shaped light that can “paint” in the air. This gadget was also advertised on graffnews.com and puregraffiti.com.
Some Dixie State College students agree that graffiti can be a form of artistic expression, but believe there can be a better outlet for it. Steven Johnson from Las Vegas who is studying generals says that “Vegas is a big graffiti place.” He said that graffiti can be “artistic, but some of it is vulgar.” He says that since he’s moved to St. George, he hasn’t seen any graffiti at all.
Johnson believes as a creative outlet, graffiti can be positive. “If it weren’t considered vandalism, it would be a great form of art,” he said.
Alex Marshall, a junior Biology student from St. George doesn’t think that graffiti artists should use walls as places for their artwork. “I think it’s really artistic and cool,” she says, “I think they just need to put it down on a canvas instead of a wall.”
As far as locally, Marshall says that she doesn’t see graffiti around town very often because “St. George is pretty good about cleaning it up really fast.”
Dixie State College Registrar, Julie Stender says that graffiti “is artistic, but it is vandalism.” Her advice to graffiti artists is: “Find a better outlet for it than on the side of someone’s building or fence.”
Artistic or not, the vandalism has a price. In 2007 St. George spent $47,000 on graffiti clean-up, according to http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,635213467,00.html.
The students and staff seem to be in agreement that graffiti can be artistic and creative, and that if applied in a way that isn’t vandalism, is acceptable.
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