I have never seen the amount of un-violent segregation that’s gripped this country than the amount that’s happening now.
Yes, it’s true there are still some racial tensions between some people who have yet to realize that human life is a precious thing--no matter how ebony or ivory they are. They just need to listen to more Stevie Wonder, I guess.
And I don’t think the bickering between religions will ever end (but just for the record, my God could totally beat up your God).
The serious segregation I’m seeing today is a political one: You’re either conservative or your liberal, and you’d better stay with your assigned flock. Or else.
The upside to today’s society is that everyone, no matter which aisle of the political seesaw you find yourself on, has the same rights afforded to us by the government: Do what makes you happy as long as Capital Hill says it’s OK (and give them all your money, too).
This political split is turning brother against brother now, and it’s breaking my heart. People can be getting along perfectly. They’ll have everything in the world in common.
“You like Lady Gaga? So do I! You think modern Broadway productions are indiscernible from each other these days? Hey, me too! You’re ticked off because Hulu Plus makes you pay to watch shows on your iPad, but it doesn’t offer all the shows available on a regular computer at Hulu.com for free? What do you know, it’s one of my pet peeves too! You’re a staunch Republican who believes marriage is between a man and a woman, and you think anyone who believes otherwise is going to hell?
Well, it was interesting to meet you. Goodbye forever.”
This was an actual conversation that I just made up.
Sure, it’s a bit extreme, but it’s the way we are living now. We may have every aspect of our lives in common with another person, but if you happen to be a bleeding heart liberal, and I am a conservative looking to balance a few budgets, the two of us might as well be Israel and Pakistan.
By the way, I use that reference to illustrate how alike the Jewish and Muslim faiths and lifestyles actually are--yet they hate each other anyway.
While I’m on the subject, I’ve got a little review for the Middle East. For setting a super bad example to the rest of the world, I’m rating you with four out of five really long hugs from the biggest and cuddliest teddy bear on earth. I hope it softens your hearts just a smidge.
Also, may the ghost of Shakespeare materialize in some form and cast a spell of love on that little Muslim boy and young Jewish girl. Let them relive the greatest story ever told: “West Side Story.” Perhaps both houses will see the follies of their ways once their children fall in love.
Maybe it could even end without the double suicide! (Sorry for the spoiler alert, folks.)
In America, however, we don’t kill each other for having different beliefs (usually). Instead we treat those around us who have differing points of view as if they are the bottom most wrung on the ladder of life.
I would like to present an actual incidence that I didn’t make up.
A long time ago, in many Skewed Reviews far, far away, I wrote about my disappointment with his current majesty and omnipotent god-like ruler, Ba-Rock Hu-Star Oh-Bombshell. That nickname would work so much better if Obama were a blonde, white female. But that’s beside the point.
I truly had buyer’s remorse, and I felt my vote was wasted when it was cast for Mr. Cheery-O. He seemed to not only do anything he promised on the campaign trail, but also began flaunting a lavish lifestyle that Marie Antoinette would be jealous of!
This made all my liberal friends mad at me. How could I dare even utter that God’s second son was not a good president? Why on earth would I write such scathing reviews about his policies and long-windedness? Why on Buddha’s green earth would I have the nerve to come up with all those clever nicknames?
Yes, I lost many a liberal pal after my many, many, many anti Barack O-blame-ya-if-you-don’t-agree-with-me reviews. See? Segregation!
But on March 31, Barack Halo Obama signed a proclamation stating that discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people should be abolished, and the month of June be henceforth known as LGBT Pride Month. The whole happy ditty can be read ***here.*** [ http://www.whitehouse.gov/the_press_office/Presidential-Proclamation-LGBT-Pride-Month/ ]
I rejoiced, of course. But suddenly I noticed conservative Republican types who were once my friends started to create a distance from themselves and me, despite our long history of camaraderie.
So, essentially, because BarackHusseinObamalisticexpialidocious effectively did something that made me regret voting for him a whole lot less, the friends I once had who identify themselves as far-to-the-right Republicans were suddenly treating me as though I have leprosy.
My ear falling off was completely unrelated to Hansen’s Disease. I was just having sympathy pains when I saw a Van Gouge painting recently. But back to what I was saying.
I’m just like Lake Mead: dammed if I do, and dammed if I don’t.
Come on, people! We might as well just start having drinking fountains that say “Conservative” and “Liberal” above them. I can’t believe that we as Americans are at a point in our country’s great history where something as ridiculous as politics creates a wedge between people who would otherwise be besties until The Rapture actually happens!
Luckily, I have the solution. I know you’re probably thinking: “Hey, this is The Skewed Review. All his solutions have to do with substance of pure nonsensicality. Unicorns wearing ruby slippers and finding out exactly how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop isn’t going to solve anything.”
If you’re thinking that, then you read my column often. Thanks! But I’m pretty sure I have a real solution here, and if people are willing to listen and try it out then I’m sure we can all get to at least a happier plane of existence.
I had the glorious fortune to be a small part of a recent celebration of diversity here in southern Utah. One of the keynote speakers at this fundraiser was Winn Claybaugh, motivational speaker and co-owner of the Paul Mitchell school of hair design.
He told us that we need to stop expecting to be loved by everyone else for who we are. We need to love all those people for who they are, instead.
I had to put this theory to the test with family members and friends who don’t think LGBT people should have the same rights as straight folk. I also put this little plan into action with my liberal Obama-loving buddies who still think my disagreement with their savior is pure blasphemy. You can slap me across the face with an endangered desert tortoise if it didn’t work.
I found that by loving, instead of being expected to be loved, I was rewarded by kind disagreements instead of vicious debates.
I hope and pray (to my stronger God, in case you forgot) that we can apply those same rules to not only our political views, but to every conflict we may encounter with those we love, and those we need to learn to love.
Now excuse me while I print this letter out and mail it to every country in the Middle East.
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