Move Over Branjelina... IT'S OBAMA!

I am a conservative liberal. (Or am I a liberal conservative?) Either way, I’m an Independent. I have no ties to either the Republicans nor the Democrats. I just happened to have voted for Barack Obama, and after half a year of B-Rock’s ambitious experiments, I’ve decided that I WANT MY VOTE BACK.

It wasn’t long after he kicked L’il Bush out of the Oval Office that I noticed he spent a lot of time on T.V. I’ve often wondered if Mr. O should have been a sitcom star rather than a President. He obviously loves the camera, and indeed, the camera loves him. I can almost hear the journalists blowing him little kisses and passing him notes reading: “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” One has to ask; How does a President get things done when he’s spending all of his time reading teleprompters to a swarm of swooning reporters? For his lack of tact in these tough times, our Commander in Chief gets 4 out of 5 toes run over by my big wheel.

Now it’s true that this He-Man from Hawaii ran a very successful campaign on “change,” and it’s more than obvious that he’s going the distance to make sure that “change” will definitely happen. While I find it a bit over-zealous, It never hurts to have someone who can juggle 19 or 20 projects at once. For his ability, or rather, his attempt to succeed in a plethora of projects, our Chief gets a Hail and a $20 gift certificate to the Zion Factory stores. Have fun spending it, Pres! (He’s already proved that spending is something he does very well.)

As for the aforementioned campaign, I was under the assumption that once a President is elected into office, his campaign is over. I can hardly believe what a dunderhead I am, because I was severely mistaken. Is it just me, or did Obama’s campaign kick into over drive after he got the keys to White House front door? Suddenly it seems like old prezzy-poo has got to sell us on all these plans to overhaul the nation, and it’s apparent he’s given himself a 1 year deadline.

Now, if my memory serves me correctly, (which it does almost half of the time) I believe Barack wants to close Guantanamo Bay, fix the mortgage crisis, end the recession, bail-out the nation’s banks and the car companies, convince the world we’re not evil, give the folks some cash for their clunkers, stimulate the economy, bow to the King of Saudi-Arabia but not Queen of England, throw out opening pitches at baseball games, shoot some hoops with his Secret Service homies, help Sasha and Malia with their science projects, and train the family dog, Bo. And that’s just a week’s schedule.

Of his national to-do list, the issue that seems to stay on the surface is Healthcare Reform. I’ve dubbed this the “Political oil spill atop the ocean of eternal policy.” It’s going to take a heck of a lot of Dawn to clean up after this one! Yes, I along with a large portion of Americans agree that something has to be done about Healthcare, but I also think that rushing through some pork-filled bill isn’t the answer. Watching President Clinton devour a roast pig is enough pork-filled Bill for me. (GET IT?) For unnecessary and unwanted expediency in trying to pass this Healthcare bill, the Administration gets 9 out of 10 Big Gulps, and an 8 hour ride from St. George to Los Angeles with no bathroom breaks.

I do believe that Obama believes that everything he’s doing is great for the nation. I also believe that he’s a bit naïve, and maybe we’ve all elected someone who really doesn’t have the experience to run a country. Please let me remind you once more, that I too was taken in by that giant smile and Despereaux ears, so don’t peg me as an Obama-hater.

If you want to hear Mr. Prezzypants’s side of the story, check out www.whitehouse.gov/realitycheck. This website gives you the skinny on all the Healthcare issues. Oh, and if you get any “fishy” emails about Healthcare, you should send it to flag@whitehouse.gov. By the way, for wanting regular citizens to report on things they hear or read, (and consequently get their email forever stored in a White House database) the Democrats in the House have to wear turtlenecks and spend a day in the desert taking care of St. George‘s endangered tortoises.

Obama and his entourage’s ambition: non-slapable. The oh-so-scary outcome of all their projects: EXTREMELY SLAPABLE!