Disney and Pixar have united again to bring to us what is supposed to be cinematic gold, but it will take at least two more times seeing the film before I can verify if that's true or not.
Let me attempt to recap the plot of "Cars 2" as best as I can.
Rather than Lighting McQueen (Owen Wilson) being the star of the movie, "Cars 2" focused almost exclusively on Mater the tow truck (Larry the Cable Guy).
Mater and the rest of the gang from Radiator Springs are asked to be the pit crew for McQueen's latest excursion: the race to see who is the fastest car in the world.
While at this international hullabaloo, Mater meets a sexy pink car named Holly Shiftwell (Emily Mortimer) and her pal Finn McMissile (Michael Caine).
There was even a short homage to Paul Newman, who voiced Doc Hudson in the original.
And then it becomes a spy movie. And a mystery movie. And an action flick. And yes, there's even a torture scene where a spy car gets blown up. I can only hope the reason for this more adult take on the very cute and classic original is because the audience is about five-six years older than they were when the first "Cars" came out.
But even with all the cast members and plot points in place, I found it extremely hard to figure out what was going on.
The first comprehension blockade came in the form of children—hoards and hoards of screaming children. There was a child who sat right behind me and screamed "Oh no!" after anything that happened on screen. McQueen speeds across a finish line? "Oh no!" Mater thinks wasabi is ice cream and eats it? "Oh no!" A car goes into the women's bathroom instead of the men's by accident? "Oh no!" And this kid had some serious pipes, too.
The sheer amount of screaming children literally ruined the movie for me. I am going to have to see it again because, frankly, I really do love Pixar's films. I think they're smart, funny and well-animated. I'm always impressed with how funny they can be and how they can simultaneously tug at your emotions.
But I didn't get any of that due to the scores of people's offspring who infested the darkened theater like so many popcorn munching, Capri Sun slurping, drop-of-the-hat crying cockroaches.
But seriously, I love kids. Just not other people's kids.
The other reason I found it hard to understand the movie was the theater itself. In addition to keeping the air conditioning off for half the film (despite the hellish temperatures from the multitudes of toddlers and their steaming diapers) the sound of "Cars 2" was seriously displaced.
Our local theater company has a problem with attempting to make dialogue sound as if it's coming straight from the characters.
This means the voices are turned up in the front of the theater, and the background music and sound effects are amped up in the rear. Since this movie is full of James Bond-esque scores and plenty of explosions, then it was next to impossible to hear what any of the characters were saying.
There is a sweet spot in the theater where the sounds all balance out, but it only covers about 10 seats in the middle three rows. If you are stuck in the very back then don't expect to hear or understand any dialogue. Just be prepared to get very familiar with the score.
"Cars 2," I'm deciding whether or not to add you to my friends list. You really look great but I need to get to know you a little better. Let's set up a date and discuss it, but let's get a babysitter first.
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