I think everyone is starting to realize ACORN is nuts.
Right off the top, I’ve got to give the people at ACORN, The Association for Community Organizers for Reform Now, my worst review ever. That means they get 72 hours in a room full of dirty diapers, the thermostat set at 118 degrees, chained to treadmills going 10 miles-per-hour, and no Desitin allowed.
My review comes on the heels of, but is not about, this inner-city society’s voter fraud scandal. ACORN employees have been hammered in many states across this luxurious land of ours for registering voters who, in essence, didn’t exist. The organization had numerous voter cards filled out for single persons, and even some cards filled out for various Disney characters. If my name were Mickey Mouse, I don’t know if I’d be too pleased when people called my registration “fraudulent.” But I digress.
If you haven’t been following the news, let me get you up to speed. A 25-year-old videographer and a 20-year-old college girl took it upon themselves to go under-cover as a pimp and a prostitute. They tried to get ACORN employees to help them obtain a house to use as a brothel, and skirt some federal laws. That, as the infomercial stars will tell you, is not all. They also told these skuzzy community organizers they were bringing in under-aged girls from out of the country to work in this imaginary ho-house.
While the majority of the ACORN officers didn’t comply with the hooker and her man’s requests, there were a select few who didn’t seem to care about the legal, let alone the moral implications, of helping out such a dubious pair. This was all caught on hidden camera. This is all over the FOX news channel, and network news is starting to pick it up as well... finally. Go to www.foxnews.com if you want to read the details.
I know there isn’t a whole lot of relevancy in this ACORN story to those of us here in Utah, but the whole idea of these college-aged amateur investigative reporters doing under-cover work has my mind in a tizzy.
Kudos to vigilantes. If you’ve had the opportunity to see pictures of this gotcha-duo, you’ll notice that their appearances were those of Halloween costumes at best. That means they had to sell themselves as the real thing, in order for those ACORN poltroons to see past the fur coats and mini-skirts and believe them to be the real thing.
For some of the best under-cover investigative journalism we’ve seen since Linda Tripp (if we can call that journalism), the hidden-camera college kids are hereby awarded the “Skewed Review Golden Goat.” (They were awesome, without any ifs, ands or “butts.”) The Golden Goat comes along with a $50 gift certificate redeemable at the four stores still open at the Red Cliffs Mall. If I were them, I’d spend that quickly before the mall goes out of business.
You’ll hear that his royal highness Ba-rock-my-world Obama has deep-rooted ties with these criminals, I mean community organizers, but that evidence is weak at best. Yes, monies have changed hands from one to the other and back again, but that hardly connects our commander-in-chief to the illegalities of this organization. So for being fair to our country’s CEO, or as I like to call him, our Chairman of the Bored, I award myself with the “Skewed Review Platinum Platypus” because someone as balanced as I am is, like the platypus, an anomaly.
The ACORN branch (no pun intended) in Maryland is trying to sue these two do-gooders because filming someone without their knowledge is a crime in that state. That’s a far worse crime than say, housing underage girls and making money off them by the patronage of perverts. If the attorney general in Maryland pursues this twisted avenue, I’m afraid he’s going to be awarded the “Skewed Review Silver Skunk.” Bad news, Mr. Attorney General, it’s not real silver.
This whole undercover circus has started a fire in my pants, and not just because I‘m a liar. I have the sudden and overwhelming urge to dress up as someone I’m not, hide a camera, and go get some bad guys. I guess I’ll be buying a Halloween costume and an undercover disguise at the Halloween boutiques that are open around town.
The nearest ACORN office is two hours away in Las Vegas, so I need to start racking my brain for closer alternatives. I can’t go after the Dixie One Card anymore because they actually made things right with me. Perhaps there’s some Wal-Mart scandal I can involve myself with?
Shame on you, ACORN. I think our world would benefit by having more people like James O’Keefe, pimp extraordinaire, and Hannah Giles, prostitabulous.
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