Disruptive Students are Pooie

College: The only place where people spend thousands of dollars to get an education, and then spend their time trying to weasel out of it.

I can’t say I’m entirely innocent when it comes to dodging certain assignments I don’t particularly like, but there comes a point when students go a bit too far.

The annoyance is overwhelming! I have a class that meets only once a week, so our class time is very precious. We are a class of lively debaters, and our professor encourages us to do so. Last week, however, the “debate” got a little off-topic and out of control.

The image that is constantly popping up in my mind is that of Dorothy surrounded by bubbling, chattering munchkins in the Wizard of Oz. Our class was so close to that it wasn’t even remotely funny. I was just waiting for our professor to disappear in a frustrated pillar of black smoke. The class would not shut up.

I think the part that is bothering me the most, is that I felt as if I was one of the few who was paying attention. I was listening and trying to get the gist of everything we were talking about. There was a specific group that continued to shout down the students who were called upon to speak.

The fact that my professor may think I was a part of that group is sickening to me. I had to suppress some serious urges to jump up and yell, “Teacher! Teacher! It wasn’t me! I‘m a good student!”

The truly sad part is the majority of the class probably felt the same way I did. When our professor cut the class short almost an hour early because of that one group of kids, I could almost read the thoughts of my fellow classmates: “Why are we being punished for those (expletive) jerks?”

To those of you who are really responsible for interrupting classes, especially mine, you are hereby awarded 5 out of 10 hours in class sitting next to someone who has serious body odor problems, a bad case of diarrhea, and absolutely no body control. You also get the other 5 out of 10 hours being the person with the B.O., the squirts, and the dirty pants.

I apologize for being so graphic, but maybe that will get the point across.

Are these people paying for their own educations? I think I need to start taking names because my guess is either they’re learning is funded by the government, or their parents. In either case, someone needs to be notified.

Seriously, grade school was fun and all, but I think we can all agree that we’re beyond all that. Don’t get me wrong, I really miss the finger-painting and playing tag, but if that’s something you really need to get out of your system, maybe you should do it outside of the college classroom.
Students, start thinking about the crucial information you might be missing because you‘re paying attention to things like “Jack’s dorm totally smells like sardines,” or “I hope it’s not infectious.” Yeah, both topics are probably really important, but are they important enough to sacrifice your tuition on a bad grade? Especially since it’s too late to drop classes?

I wish I had the money to take every class on my schedule twice. First time around, I can just bull-poop around, chit chat about whats-her-name who wears the sluttiest clothes, come in late, leave early, ignore the content of the class, and just generally have a good time. I, however, have an obligation not only to myself, but to my investors.

I know it seems far fetched that there are those who would dump money into an opinionated polymath such as myself, but it’s true. I have received funds from the state, a loan from a private bank, and help along the way from none other than my family. If I don’t pull in sufficient grades, I can pretty much guarantee loss of funding from the state and my family. And as for my loan, it would be pretty tough to pay it off if I can’t get a degree because I don’t pay attention in class.

And if you still don’t care about your own education, please consider the education of those around you. I am still so ticked off almost a week later because a group of students cost me an hour of class time!

I’m madder than Al Gore standing outside a Hummer factory.

I’m madder than Barack Obama at Fox News.

I’m madder than a True Rebel looking at a Red Storm mascot!