There's always that one closet or room in everyone's house where you'll find a massive collection of junk—it's all sentimental keepsakes, trash that's been mistaken for treasure, or simply a mixture of both.
Sorry, I won't really be addressing that TLC Network show where people save newspapers and mayonnaise jars until someone has to step in and intercede. People in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks, and since I'm a Halloween buff then I'm guilty of hoarding wigs and costumes.
Don't judge me. It's a hobby.
No, the hoarder I'm writing about today is the cruel and loving Internet and her ever-growing collection of sometimes helpful, often intriguing, but mostly time-wasting possessions: blogs.
Blogs get a nine out of 10 rating of USA Todays for their usefulness, an eight out of 10 rating of New York Times for their biases, and a 10 out of 10 rating of Perez Hiltons for their ridiculousness. Each review is respective to each individual blog, of course.
I'm still trying to figure out exactly what blogs are. The definition is very widespread. Are they personal journals? Are they news websites? Are they supposed to inform you of the latest gossip, entertain with something you've never seen before, or just completely waste your time when you should be doing something constructive?
I think the jury is still out on all those definitions.
When I first grasped the idea of blogging, I simply figured a mother, who belonged to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, created it. After all, isn't blogging basically just scrapbooking online?
Go ahead and hate me for that one. But I dare you to go online right now and see how many personal blogs are created by mothers and are filled to the brim with family photos.
So the history of blogging piqued my interest. I decided to find out more.
A Feb. 20, 2006 article by Clive Thompson in New York Magazine chronicled the blog timeline from the very beginning. According to that article, a Swarthmore student named Justin Hall is credited with the creation of the world's first blog in 1994.
And yes, it's still up and running today at links.net.
Of course I had to check it out. I mean, it was the very first blog ever, right? It has to rock.
But after looking at his website, I had to wonder how anyone would have thought: "Hey, that's a great idea! I think I'll try that out myself!"
You'd think almost two decades of blogging would have made Hall a blog perfectionist. I clicked over fully expecting the most extravagant, detailed and professional blog in history. What I got instead looked to be like an amateur HTML experimentalist who has no idea which direction to take his blog in.
At first I thought it was a collection of peculiar but entertaining thoughts.
"Come let us cross the street together!" he writes. "I will go first where there is no light or crosswalk. Hurry up behind. We might not all make it."
For the sake of clarity, I added punctuation. At first I thought it was a Haiku, but it doesn't follow Haiku rules. But it's OK. I guess if you're a truly deep philosopher, this little paragraph could have endless meaning.
So you'd generally expect his blog to focus on these little transient blurbs. Nope. His next post is a pretty graphic poem about sex and, to put it gently, the end of it.
His blog is also peppered with news from his private life and photos of him doing, well, nothing.
His review is one more decade at Swarthmore. If I were any student looking for a college, I would eliminate Swarthmore based entirely on this man's lack of education.
So I decided to at least click on a blog that had a sense of direction (even if it was a ridiculous sense of direction). That's right: PerezHilton.com.
Spelling, grammatical and factual errors don't stop this boy from gossiping about the Hollywood A, B, C and D-listers!
At first I liked this blog because it was so kitschy. I just assumed Perez Hilton, a.k.a. Mario Lavandeira Jr., knew how campy and ridiculous he actually was. But over time I think he actually sees himself as a viable news source on Hollywood matters.
He literally plucks news from websites like TMZ.com and then adds a short opinion. He tosses up a photo that he draws on in what looks to be Microsoft Paint and, voila! He's got a blog.
I can't think of a review for Lavandeira that would put him in his place. To be so ludicrous that you're a joke and not even realize it is almost a Skewed Review in and of itself. I just don't understand how he justifies the laughter everywhere he goes.
Lastly I had to check up on one of the most linked-to blogs in the world: Arianna Huffington's.
Although I've never considered Ms. Huffington an expert on anything, I must admit her website is at least credible. But it's really not that different from, say, FoxNews.com or MSNCBC.com. They're all basically news websites. So what makes hers a blog?
I know. She has a blog on it. But so do all the other news websites out there.
I suppose I'll review The Huffington Post with zero out of 10 Justin Halls, and yes, that is a good review.
So now we need to know what you think. What's your blog? What website do you develop it through? What's your favorite blog on the Internet, and which one do you absolutely despise? Get on Facebook/TheSkewedReview or Twitter @SkewedReview to start sharing your blog do's and to-don'ts!
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